BeN

Ah Christmas...

2011-12-25T04:48:00.002+08:00

Its almost 5 am on Christmas morning.

Listening to Goodbye Lullaby.

Thinking of the old days.

Wondering who is gonna comment on something on facebook.

Hoping the days after will be great.

Missing my lovely darling.

Constantly hoping and praying for everyone's well being.

Hoping for nice surprises.

Just talk to me already!! :P

This blog is dying or dead.

Maybe a revival is in order? O.O..

I should add a picture to this post...

But I'm too lazy. XP

Thinking of getting better headphones.

Money Money Money.

Haih... if only life isn't that hard. Too bad it is.

Well..

Time to sleep..

Goodnight..

Have a very merry Christmas and may your days be blessings.

Cherio. : ]

I HAVE TWO POSTS THIS YEAR!!! ^_^

2011-12-11T01:41:00.002+08:00

Yes!! It is true!!

I have only two posts this year.

Cause I don't use this blog anymore.

I just come visit.

Yes I do. : ]

So... If you're reading this...

You must have nothing to do!!

Which means...

YOUAREAWESOME!!!

Coolios...

Alrighty...

Farty..

Bye. : ]

Paintball, Knife, Camping Gear Fanatic?

2011-09-19T22:46:00.002+08:00

Helloes!!

Its been ten thousand years since I've updated this.

As the title says, I am going crazy over Paintball and other things.

Only problem is no munnie...

so.. I might just join revenge of the chickens.

If i can get 3k, Man.. Imma be happy.

Thats all fer now..

Cheerios!!

: ]

So.. What now? I'm BeN.

2010-07-12T00:29:00.003+08:00

It HURTS when people tell me

NOT TO CARE ANYMORE

It hurts.

But I can't.

I care too much.

I have a theory.

Show someone love

and care

And you would have

saved a life.

We were created out of love.

We were born to love.

We first loved our parents,

then we loved our friends,

then we loved our partner.

We were made in the IMAGE OF GOD.

GOD IS LOVE

So now,

can you tell me

not to care anymore?

I have discovered

the true meaning of living

Its time,

you found out.

2010-07-07T16:46:00.002+08:00

I'm the one

who's lost among the found.

Who wants things

that last.

Who searches for

What he wants

and needs

Who finds them

only to lose them

The search never ends

The desires

never fulfilled.

So.. What now?

I'm Ben.

BORED

2010-06-30T23:43:00.002+08:00

Hmm... what shall I talk about today...

How about..

FRIENDSHIP

Its one of the things I value most.

Seriously, what would one do without friends?

I mean.. I would just..

Rot at home..

ALL DAY...

That would be a really really..

very bad..

I would literally die of boredom.

But still..

I'm really confused.

Looking from two perspectives,

I don't really understand why they want to do that.

I don't know what about it thats so great.

the other perspective..

I want it as well..

I think its all right.

I'm really confused..

I'm not even sure I'm saying the right perspectives..

Truly the world is a terrible and nice place to live.

But what really, is living supposed to be like?

Funny Little Me

2010-06-28T21:04:00.002+08:00

I have to admit.

I feel things I don't want to

I hope for things I don't really need.

So what do I really need?

I've been thinking..

A hang out buddy

A person to call

A person to meet up with

A person to talk to

A person to walk with

A person to challenge me

A person to laugh with

A person to argue with

A person to laugh at

A person to be happy with

A person to look nice with

Someone

to stay up all night talking rubbish,

to text when you wake up,

to text before you fall asleep,

to argue about which place to hang out next,

to call me to go some place and meet up for no reason,

to meet up outside my house or that persons house,

who lives nearby,

who likes what I like,

who hates what I hate,

who hates what I like,

who likes what I hate,

who does't have transport problems,

who likes to annoy me in a good way,

who has a great smile,

who knows right from wrong,

who is smart,

who is caring,

who doesn't abandon you no matter what happens,

who doesn't win a fight but doesn't lose one either,

who doesn't wait to do things,

who makes my definition of fun look like a rock,

who makes me do things I am afraid to do,

who takes me to places we can afford,

who isn't demanding,

who doesn't want to hurt anyone,

who has that certain sense of humour,

who makes me go wow,

who makes collecting stems look like a grain of sand,

who makes the effort to come after me,

who doesn't want me to change for the worse,

who doesn't want anything but wants everything,

who knows?

I'm sure most of you have one

But quite frankly,

where's mine?

Seeing, Isn't Believing

2010-06-22T00:11:00.003+08:00

Its a secret within a secret.

A word within a word.

The undeniable truth,

of what its supposed to be.

Why do you believe in something?

Is it because, you have seen it?

Do you need to see to believe?

Does it need to be something physical?

What is physical is what it is.

But what is that which you don't see?

Can you feel it?

Doesn't mean something thats not there,

isn't there.

Many times,

it has been proven,

over and over again

But people still don't care..

Its only when we step out,

do we understand it.

What you believe,

is what you put your faith in.

Putting your faith in something that isn't there,

thats the challenge.

My blog suicided...

2010-05-24T21:06:00.002+08:00

This blog is dead... lol... I just.. FB more than ever lol... well.... I'll update this thing... but... lol.... kinda bored of blogging..... so yea.... adeu..

Leftover Romance.

2010-04-26T12:01:00.003+08:00

Had a cool dream. I was studying in america. I think I was a new kid, or either that girl was a new kid. Anyway, I was doing fine but she seems to not fit in and gets bullied a lot. I befriended her, and kinda like her lol. Not sure if she liked me, but I think she did a bit.

Then one day, lots of people poured yoghurt all over her. she said "You see? I told you they hate me." I think she was about to cry. Then I had to choose, kiss her n take her a way, or help her out of it or leave her. I thought for a while, even thinking about my first kiss and God as well lol. But adventually me feelings got over me and I kissed her and took her away lol. Her eyes wer wide open when I did lol.

The reason for the kiss was that no one thought that anyone liked her at all. So they were utterly shocked. And I think they left her alone after that. I think we started going out as friends at first, then only began to feel the love lol. There were midnight strolls in the park, and flowers at her doorstep, and fun times in her room or in mine not sure which. Not in that way.

But I think at one time we did do it. She like crawled over me or something lol. And then, we just snogged and after that. I think I told her that we're too young to do it and we sat on opposite sides of the bed. Silence ripped the room. After a while, we began talking n playing i think lol. I think there would be some point that I had to leave back to Malaysia or something. And I told her I'll be back for her or something like that.

Haha..

Interesting eh? I think I'll write about this lol. Althought half of the whole story I don't remember dreaming it and made some parts up but, its still a good summary right? Lol.. Tell me what you think? : ]

Blabbermouth

2010-04-21T00:08:00.002+08:00

I'm not having fun writing anything... I keep feeling its all crap...

Aih...

anywayz...

Been doin nothing much but gaming most of the time n taking mandrin class.

Aih... but still addicted to it.

Sometimes I wish the games were more logical.

Like I noe its supposed to be a solo game, but at least design it to be that way.

I can't be the only shinobi infiltrating a castle like from start to end.

Its almost like I'm the only one. Aih.

The lonely shinobi.

At the end of the level, suddenly this cutscene shows my partner. like she was wit me all along.

What the hell... Zzzzz...

Design better game mechanics pls.

Also better AI.

Aih... I just hate it when good games are finished...

U set out to find new ones, n you get something not worth playing at all..

Damn....

Well...I think I'm gonna wake up early to main b4 mandrin class tmrw....

ciao...

Eyes Wide Open

2010-04-08T03:03:00.005+08:00

I see things I don't normally look at.
I notice things I don't normally notice.
Even how much I've noticed things before,
I see more now.

There's a big world right here in my house.
Every single leaf,
Every little moment,
There's a lot.
Once you've seen through the eye of another.

I'm still wandering,
The world in my mind,
Just wanting so much,
and putting the past behind.

The world now is something different,
Than what it used to be.
Things change.
What the future holds,
Is uncertain.

But there's no progress,
if you don't do anything.
But yet we still hold on to our four walls.
Knowing this.
It has to be overcome.
Somehow.

2010-03-22T01:07:00.003+08:00

Okay... I guess I like a lot of people, if you know what I mean..

But I don't think I want to go for any of them.

Not yet at least..

I'm still confused of myself.

Its complicated..

I don't think anyone knows this.

I'm trying to find out who I really am.

I guess putting on a lot of masks made me confused.

Anywayz...

I'm bored..

so...

here's a pic..

of me...

zzzzzzzzzzzzz....

ZOMG... AGAIN..

2010-03-21T01:12:00.002+08:00

Lappie's in the hospital.... T_T...
I don't know how long it will take!!
Poor thing!!
I hope they treat her right!
They better not give any unauthorised meds without my permission..
Or damage any of its organs!!
Or do a brain wipe!!
Aih...
I would do soo many things with my Lappie..
I would blog properly, Facebook properly, Twit properly..
Maybe even Tumblr for the first time...
They better not screw her up..
They better only replace the eye and socializing organ...
Poor Lappie...

P.S.
The statements above refer to BeN's laptop which has been sent for customer service due to a dysfunctional webcam and wireless. Do NOT, in any case, donate your organs or blood to a hospital or do anything in attempt to help his "Lappie". We will not be responsible for any loss of limbs, organs, blood, money, or mental stability. You have been warned.

ZOMG...

2010-03-18T19:02:00.002+08:00

OMG... BRATs workshop was really the time of my life man..
Like seriously...
But because..
right after I got back..
My laptop's wireless died..
And the internet was a bitch...
I can't upload any photos... for the time being...
ZOMG.....
And I wanted to post the pics....
Haih....

Promise A New Update Soon! WIth Tons Of Pictures!! If Blogger Can Handle It...

2010-03-17T02:15:00.000+08:00

The Funny Little World I Live In

2010-03-08T12:02:00.002+08:00

I'm apparently dreaming of her. I'm just dying to have another dream to confirm the fact. And yet there is another nice person. Who reminds me of her. But isn't her. She's really nice, which unlike her, who's crazy and really difficult to handle.

And then, there's my best friend. Who supposedly tells me everything. I've really helped her a lot, but I haven't seen her in like.. 7, 8 months? Even though we live close to each other. Isn't my life a bit strange.

Whenever I buy something I like, I kinda like to hold on to it for a few days. Like right now, I bought this flashlight, and I'm bringing it everywhere I go, even in the house. Finding less and less inspiration to write anything now. Maybe its because of the strange life I'm currently living.

Anyway.. I'm kinda bored now.. Gonna go find something to do...

Wishful Dreaming

2010-03-04T10:09:00.003+08:00

I had the most realistic but fantasy dreams today. There are a 2 dreams. The first dream, I dream't that I was able to meet a figure skater who saw me skating around the ice rink. Then, two things could have taken place. The first was, that she would help me and teach me how to skate by holding me and I would almost fall a few times.

The second is that she took me to a figure skating instructor and she, meaning the instructor would teach me how to skate. Of course she wouldn't hold me but she'll laugh and smile as I try to not fall. After that, it was the same for both situations. It would be like a break, then I would get out of the ice rink, and get something from my bag, which then I would wake up. It was as if the bag was in the real world and the moment I open my eyes, reality rushes into my face.

It was still early in the morning like around 6. So I decided to go back to sleep. This is the second dream. This dream, took place in a place, similar to the world of Spirited Away. But it was different. For those who have watched it, remember the scene where there was an alleyway filled with food stalls with food on the plates but no one attending them? Yeah.

Then at night, ghostly creatures would appear at that alley. Anyone who ate the food there would not stop eating and will eventually turn into pigs which will be food. Well, there were alleyways like this all over the place we were living in.

In the dream, my parents were having a party at our house, which happened to be at an alleyway but there were no ghostly creatures there somehow and no food stalls. only tables and people at the tables. It was a buffet dinner.

I helped my parents and some church people where there helping too. And one of them was her. I saw her when I crossed paths with her while carrying a crate of food which she was doing too. After I've finished my task, I sat down on a stone bench in front of the sliding front door of my house.

She sat beside me after a while. I just ignored her like I normally do. Then she said hi, and we talked for a while. Then she asked me to help her with something. It was a fill-in-the-blanks english essay. I filled in the blanks with her pen which went quite slow. She just sat patiently looking around, also looking a bit bored.

I realized it would go faster if I used my pen, which was next to me, in my bag, on my bedside. I then opened my eyes to get it. When I opened my eyes, I realized it was all just a dream and sighed. But I still went to get the pencil box out of the bag and was looking for my pen. By the time I realized I wasn't there anymore, I was already ruffling through my pens. That was how real the dream was to me.

I seem to dream of realistic but most probably things that would never happen. How I wished that it was true, but maybe it was just part of God's plan. I feel that He's filling the holes of my heart slowly with something not quite him. It was like He found the pieces and gave it back to me.

I feel better now. Thank you. : ]

2010-02-26T02:25:00.001+08:00

Its been a long time since i last wrote here..

I promise an update to the story soon. haha.

I'm finally feeling better. : ]

Writer's Block?

2010-01-28T14:30:00.002+08:00

Can't really think of what to write now.

Am kinda sick.

Sore throat, and this thing under my tongue.

also cough and greenish yellow fluid.

So you know.

No need for explanation.

Weird and funny things are happening.

Of course.

These things happen all the time.

Like my sudden attraction to sharp edged objects, motorcycle helmets.

and also some other things.

Things become weird.

Maybe its because of the loneliness.

Idk.

But its kinda fun.

I just want to get well soon.

So I can go out.

And not get even more sick.

Aih..

It Was Never Supposed To Be This Way

2010-01-21T14:37:00.001+08:00

Things aren't normal anymore.

What best friends used to be, has turned into an on/off friendship.

I just don't get it..

Oh well...

I think, its time to get on with the list.

I've written down a list of things to do.

And I think.. Its going to be expensive.

But I hope, its worth it.

I guess, its time to get on with life.

The stopped clock needs to start again.

Its good to be frozen in time, for a while.

But reality does not stop.

A list of new begginings.

Which I hope, leads me to somewhere.

Well, Time To Start The Clock.

Bad Day

2010-01-14T21:54:00.003+08:00

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Had a bad day...

This song is probably the song i really need to listen to now. Been having bad days for a few days now. Its a real headache. I hope this thing ends..

A Whole New World, One We Can Only Dream Of

2010-01-12T00:41:00.003+08:00

I Watched Avatar today. It was, simply put, one of those movies, you will ALWAYS remember. It had an amazing story, told by an amazing world, people and culture. If only I could tell the story in such an amazing way like this. I Love This Movie.

Whenever I watch movies, I always dive into the screen. Like, what ever the character feels, I feel. Its, a blessing, and a curse. When I watch awesome movies like Avatar, I feel great after. But, if its stressful movies... I'll feel the pressure too.

Do you know? When things, you aren't used to, happen to you? It did happen to me. Its, an unusual feeling. But you go with it. I doubt, this will be the last time, I feel this. So I better get used to it.

My uncle's and aunt's journey to another world still bugs me. Its just, I will NEVER get used to losing people I've known. And I've figured out, some of my fears.

I'm afraid to hurt the people I love, therefore, am afraid to talk and do things at times. I'm afraid to, lose people I love, in a sense of them not ever talking to me ever again. I'm afraid to, be hurt myself. But, its something I have to get used to.

What people think of me, no, its not true. Those who've only scratched the surface of what is me, will not know, who I truly am. There are bad things, said about me, which are most probably true, but, hey, I'm still on the road to finding out who I really am, and what I am.

I am learning, more and more, how I speak, how I feel, what I'm good at, and why I do that. It all takes time, and help. I Thank God for those who've helped me on the way, even though they did not know it. I Thank God for leading me to the right places, and the right choices. And for those, who think I am who I am, look a little closer, a little deeper. You might be surprised.

Until then, I love the few of you, who make me wanna keep living. I don't mind any surprises. Just, try not to kill me in the process. Thank You.

P.S. I hate spelling errors. : ]

Adeu..

: ]

Thats The Way The Cookie Crumbles

2010-01-04T02:21:00.009+08:00

My Uncle passed away from cancer a few days ago. His wife left this world earlier this year. Their children are gonna move in with their god-mother, which is supposedly mine as well. This next post is a tribute to Uncle Kim, his wife, and his children who are barely teens, Evelyn and Bryan. Took me three days to finish writing. What IS it like living lfe without parents..

Here, Forever We'll Be. Till We Meet Again..

But..

Thats The Way The Cookie Crumbles..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I, I will remember you,

and all of the things that we've gone through,

there is soo much I can say,

but words get in the way so...

The Ryan Cabrera song played on. Uhh.. There it is. Facebook. Michael Yung clicked on the link. He wore a red T-shirt that said Friends, till the sky comes crashing down and a pair of jeans. He continued clicking. Hmm.. Alex said..

"BOOO!!" A loud voice blasted his right ear. Michael jumped in his seat. He quickly turned his head around.

"What the hell are you doing!?!?!" Michael shouted.

"AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" You should have seen the look on yor face!!" Vern laughed.

"MMmmpphh...." Michael grunted.

"Watcha doing?" Vern said sill giggling.

"What does it look like.. I'm facebook-ing.. And since when do you wear a tube-blouse.." he replied, agitated.

Vern wore a white tube blouse with an oversized translucent white T-shirt over it seemingly acting as a very thin jacket with white slacks and socks. "And what are you wearing...." Michael continued.

"Its none of your business, Sir," said Vern with an teasing tone.

"Mmhmm..." Michael turned away back to the computer screen and continued clicking.

Vern walked back to her room and took out a pair of white sandals which looked like what one would wear normally with silver straps. Vern then went downstairs and after telling Mrs Yung where she was going, left the house.

* * * * *

"Michael, would you be a dear and see that your friend doesn't do anything rash like the last time?" Mrs Yung shouted from the bottom floor up.

"What did she do last time?" Michael shouted back.

"Remember she went to the mall hugging random children and they're parents got cross at the way she acted and almost called the police until we told them otherwise," replied Mrs Yung.

"And remind me why was that again?"

"They thought that she was a child rapist.." replied Mrs Yung grimly.

A few seconds passed.

"I'll take the car then.."

* * * * *

"Hmm.. hmm hmm.." Vern hummed as she half-skipped, half-walked.

Then after a few steps, stopped in place. She stood there for a few moments, staring into space. Then she took a step forward, and continued walking slowly, looking at the floor tiles. Then she looked up at the grey sky through the glass ceiling which was only at that part of the mall and saw rain pouring down onto the glass. Lightning flashed across the sky, followed by a soft rumble of thunder. Her eyes began to tear as a memory reemerges. She stopped again, wiped her tears as her feelings fade back into the deepest part of her memories, and continued walking.

She stopped and looked through the shop window. People walk by all around her. behind the shop glass she saw a male adult mannequin holding the hand of a little girl mannequin as they looked into each other's eyes. Vern felt tears welling in her eyes.

"Heyhh!! Hhh.. Hhh..." Vern turned around to see Michael bending over with his hands on his knees panting heavily. "I'vehh... Hhh.. been.. hhh.. looking every.. hh.. Everywhere.. hhh.. for you.. hh.." said Michael panting.

Vern's slightly surprised expression didn't change as she stared at Michael as he caught his breath. Then she suddenly smiled and held Michael's hand. She giggled.

"Silly boy. You don't need to come running after me," Vern said giggling.

"Buthh.. hhh.. I.. hh.."

"Come on then!!" Vern pulled Michael.

"Wooaahh!!"Michael blurted surprised.

Vern took Michael towards the nearest bench and they had a rest. Vern then went to the drink stall and bought herself and Michael some hot mocha.

"Here. Take this," Vern said, smiling.

Michael looked at Vern with a confused look. He took the drink anyway. They sat there for a few minutes, not uttering a single word. She looked up at the sky through the glass ceiling. Michael looked at her, then the glass ceiling.

"How long has it been?" Michael said.

"Nine years.." She replied.

"Huh.. That long huh??" Michael asked.

Vern didn't reply.

Michael looked into his half-empty cup.

"Hey, thanks for the mocha," Michael said, smiling politely.

She smiled faintly back at him for only a moment then looked down into her cup.

"I miss them soo much.."

* * * * *

Nine Years Ago.

"Vern, Ajeoshi Minsoon is here,"

"Yay!! Uncle Min!!"Vern said happily.

Vern wore a knitted long-sleeved blouse with long pants. Her hair was tied in a ponytail with a sky blue ribbon. Little Vern Hwa Jung ran towards Uncle Minsoon which stood at the entrance as if already waiting to hug little Vern.

"Hey!! My little favourite niece!! Hahah!! Have you been practicing your english?" said Minsoon smiling.

"Yes uncle. How are you uncle?" said little Vern gleefully.

"Oohh!! I'm doing very well little Vern. I see you are doing well too!!" said Minsoon politely.

"Mmmhmm!! Thanks for the sweater Ajeoshi!!" said little Vern happily.

They sat on the sofa's around the warm brick fireplace. They were laughing and talking. Little Vern ran around ,then sat on Minsoon's lap. Vern's parents, Minsoon, Minsoon's wife and Minsoon's children all sat together laughing, talking and playing with one another. Vern always had the best time when her uncle Minsoon came by for a visit. Whenever Vern was upset or sad, her dear uncle always cheered her up and made her happy again. Vern loved her uncle very much.

"Uncle Min, when are you going to see us again?" said little Vern.

"Haha. Very soon my dear little Vern, I promise," Minsoon said smiling.

The next day.

Vern slowly opened her eyes. It was a raining. The rumble of thunder seemingly continuous, flashes of lightning streaked throughout the sky. Little Vern got up from bed. She rubbed her eyes. She went to the window to watch the rain outside. The sudden lightning made her jump. She decided not to look out the window for the time being. She went downstairs for some breakfast. Before she could enter the kitchen..

"Why... Why did he have.. Have to go so soon??" Vern heard her mother sobbing.

"Its gonna be alright, dear. Just let your tears roll."Vern's father said.

"Tell me why.. Why did.."

"Dear, calm down.."Vern's father cut her off.

"How can I calm down!?!? Why... Why God why.. did that accident.. happen.."Sobbed Mrs. Jung.

"Dear, remember when he lived? Remember, when he came to our house? We were always so happy. It made Vern happy too. She.. She.."

"Vern always felt better after he came.. And what we couldn't do to make her happy again, he.. he always managed to cheer her up.. my dear brother.. my dear Minsoon.. and his wife.. oohh no..." Mrs Jung sobbed.

Vern's eyes widened. She gasped. She went back to her room and jumped onto her bed and soaked her tears into her pillow.

"Dear, lets not tell Vern about this. At least not for the time being. She would only cry her eyes out.."

They heard a little girl crying. Both of them rushed upstairs to find their daughter crying her eyes out. "Come dear, its gonna be okay.." Mrs Jung sobbed as both of them hugged Vern.

The following days, vern and her parents did not speak of Minsoon. Vern seemed happy and didn't believe that her dear uncle had died in that car accident. She was anxious about when he would return. Her parents could keep from telling her the truth only for soo long.

The day of the funeral.

"Vern, come downstairs and eat your breakfast," Shouted Mrs Jung from the bottom floor up.

Vern's footsteps told them she was awake. Vern ate her breakfast happily.

"Oma? When is Ajeoshi Min coming to visit us?" Vern asked anxiously.

Both of Vern's parents looked at each other.

After a while, Mrs. Jung said, "He's not coming back.. my dear Vern.."

Vern looked at her mother, then her father. Then she remembered. The statement had sunk into Vern. He's not coming back.. My dear Vern..

* * * * *

"Today we honor our dearly departed.." The pastor's words barely scratched the surface of Vern's mind. All she could think about was her dear uncle Minsoon. She only thought about her uncle throughout the funeral.

"Dear? Are you okay?" Mrs Jung said.

"I'm fine oma.."Vern said softly.

When Vern reached home, she went up to her room. She laid on her bed. She only pictured her uncle in her mind. She looked to the bedside table. Her uncle was smiling, wearing a brown trenchcoat and a fedora hat. He was holding Vern's hand and she was smiling gleefully. Vern remembered that day.

"Okay, say Cheese!!"

Click!!

The camera captured that moment.

"Hey, Vern? Wanna get some ice cream?" Minsoon asked.

'Yay!! Ice cream!! Ice cream!!" Vern said happily.

"Hahah!! Who's my dear little niece.." The image of her uncle Minsoon pinching her cheek faded off into the blackness. His words echoed in her mind.

* * * * *

A tear rolled down Vern's cheek. "I miss him soo much.."

"Hey, it couldn't have happened for no reason," said Michael softly.

"What reason is there? But to make me sad.."Vern said with a shaky voice.

"You're sad because you miss him. You're sad because you still remember him. You're sad, because you won't ever see him again. But hear this, you will definately see him again. Its only a matter of time. For now, just live your life happily and cherish the time you have with your friends, and family. He would want you to be happy," Michael explained.

Vern rubbed her eyes with her sleeve. Then she smiled. "Lets go!! I came here to get ice cream and I'm not leaving without it!!" Vern said.

"What?? Woaahh!!" Michael blurted as Vern grabbed his hand and pulled him off his seat. He struggled to keep his feet from slipping under him while trying to catch up with Vern.

"Hey!! Not so fast!!" Michael said. Vern laughed as she pulled him along. "Wai.. Wait!! Hey!! Uhh.." Michael said. Vern kept laughing.

Vern thought He may be gone, but the memories he left behind still remain. And thats all I need to remember him. My dear uncle Minsoon. Vern smiled.

To Be Continued..

Good bye dear uncle. We will sure miss you. We will remember the happiness you brought, and the life you gave us. The hole in our hearts will remain, only to be filled by your memories. Thank you.

: ]

The Story So Far

2009-12-27T01:58:00.003+08:00

A break from all the storytelling, am having a great christmas so far.
Better than most anyway.
Usually I'd spend it at home.
But this year's different.
I checked my weight just now, and,
I found that I didn't really gain or lose any weightsince the last time I checked.
Which is weird, and was like many many months ago.

Reason is, I have ze flabs.
more or less.
So I am really surprised.

Well, been attending a lot of parties.
The one on christmas evening was, kinda dull.
The food was too.
But Tsu Tsen's BBQ party was good.
We actually had a chance to finally talk.
And it was a good one.

Also, Acts Church's Christmas Production was one of the best I've been so far.
It really hits the bullseye.
It was a tearjerker for me.
Loved it.
But better yet, got to spend some forgotten time with Rachel.
And there was more talking than other things.
Which was unlike the surprise visit to her house.
Really, then, I really wanted to just talk to her.
But there' a reason for everything is there not?

I'm glad I got to spend some time with some of my long lost friends.
I'm hoping to catch up with more of them.
But I need to visit my uncle in Penang.
He's already in a coma after fighting cancer.
He wll be leaving us soon.
But I'm really Praying Everyday Against It!!
Please Pray For My Uncle Kim.

And the last event I want to talk about, Prom.
It was, good.
Good food, though unapetizing.
Awesome bands, Free To Fall wuz Awesome!! And Couple, which was like a party pooper.
And of course, our school bands.
Twas a good time.
But I miss and hate it.
There were things I wish were better, and things I wish I didn't do.
I don't know if part of the reason was I was sick.
Maybe the sickness caused a temporary lapse of judgement.
I don't know.
But I'm all me now.

Took me a while to figure out myself.
Now, I feel more me than I ever could.
But I wanna grow taller though, and thinner.
But not too thin.
I still have a long way to go to the real me, but so far, I'm good. : ]

Serious Troubles

2009-12-18T01:09:00.003+08:00

It was Vern Hwa Jung's last day in Michael Yung's house. She had already packed and left her belongings in the guest room. She was wearing worn jeans, red Converse and a red blouse which had the words 'I'm Not So Bad, Right?' on the front of the shirt. She also wore the same black-grey jacket from before. In addition, she wore a red skully and had red fingerless gloves.

"What on earth are you dressed up for.." said Michael.

"Hey, Its cold okay.. I know you are not affected, but girls are different," replied Vern.

"Okay, okay... I'm not complaining.."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, at least the colours are matching this time," he said.

Vern punched him in the gut. Michael couldn't breathe for a few seconds.

"Wha... What... Uuhhh... Never.. Nevermind.." Michael said in between breaths.

Vern smiled to herself when her back was towards him.

Michael wore a dark green shirt that said 'Pain is a state of mind' in black. He wore jeans and his black Converse. He wore a watch which looked like something you'd find in the flea market.

"HAHAH!! Pain is a state of mind? What a nice coincidence!! HAHAHAHAH!!" laughed Vern.

"Yeah, yeah... Ha ha... Very funny.." he said sarcastically.

Its been a long day for both of them. It was now close to sunset. Vern was only waiting for her parents to arrive at her house. They had walked to Michael's house after Vern took Michael shopping, something Michael seemed comfortable at, seeing as girl shopping takes way longer that guys. They went to 'Ichigoku Ramen' for lunch. There were not many ramen shops in Australian malls.

Vern could feel her body reflexes slowing down and looking at Michael she guessed the same. As they left Caddinbourgh Mall, they had ice cream. They then sat on a park bench talking rubbish for two hours before walking to Michael's house.

"So is that all you did when you lived in Korea?" said Vern.

"Well, that is as much as I can remember."

"I see."

"Yeah, I know. I only did live there for seven years. What do you expect? And it was my childhood. I'm not too keen on remembering that," he replied.

"Oh.. Okay then. Lets talk about something else then."

They talked for another hour. "Ahahah. So you must have been the first girl there to pull down a guy's pants huh?" laughed Michael.

"Yeah hahaha. I was famous for a short time." Vern laughed.

Suddenly they heard a korean song. It was Vern's handphone. It was ringing. Someone was calling her.

Vern answered the phone,"Hello?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah I'm okay."

"Yes, I'm with my friend now."

Michael could only hear Vern's replies.

"What?"

"So, does that mean.."

"Okay."

"Okay then."

"Love ya too."

"Bye."

The line went dead.

"Who was that?" Michael asked.

"Umm... Hey, would you mind if I stayed longer? I mean, like for a week?" Vern replied.

"Uhh.. I guess... It would be fine.. As long as my parents allow it. Why?" Michael asked curiously.

Vern looked at the pavement.
"Ermm... Well.."

Michael already knew the answer.

"Don't tell me... Seriously?" Michael said.

Vern only nodded, still looking at the pavement.

TO BE CONTINUED...

The Road, To Nothingness....

2009-12-15T01:01:00.004+08:00

Michael Yung opened a chat room with her in it. He typed, "Hey, how are you feeling?"
For a while, there was no answer.
She wrote,"Never better," with a smiley face.

"Are you sure?" He typed.
"Yeah. Any reson why?"
"Uhh.. No. Just that.. U seemed.. well.."
"Forget about that.. I don't wanna talk about it.." She interrupted.
"O-O-Ookay then..." Michael replied.

"Tell me, how's Vern treating you? She's not overturning the couch and watching tv with the couch upside down is she? XD" She replied.
"Ho-how did you know she was at my place?!?" Michael wrote surprised.
"Heheh.. I ave mah sources.. XP" She replied."Well?"
"No she's not. She went to bed already.." he wrote.
"Hmm.. Look behind you. ^^" She typed.
"Huh?" He replied. He turned back.

Vern was halfway through the door with her banana pyjamas on holding binoculars looking at the computer screen. When she noticed, she put away the binoculars and from a surprised look, became all smiley, waved and went back into the guest room and closed the door.

"Told you. ^^" She wrote.
"You've gotta tell me how you know what goes on in my house." He wrote with a curious look on his face.
"Teehee!! Only when she's in your house. XP"
"Uhh... Right..."
"Anyway, I have to go.. Going out with my friends tmrw. See you. : )" She wrote.
"Hmm? Ohh.. Okay.." Michael wrote blurly.
She went offline.

"Ehh??" Michael said to himself. He forgot what he wanted to ask in the first place.
"Hhhhhh..." Michael sighed.

He heard the guest room door close. He turned his head back for a moment. He sighed again. He shut off the computer and went to bed. In his head, he wondered how tomorrow would turn out to be.

* * * * *

It was a cold, moist, misty morning.
Huh.. Never seen this before.. Vern said to herself.

She got out of bed. As she was going to the toilet, she bumped her leg into the bedpost.
"OW,OW,OW,OW,OW,OWW!!" She stammered as she winced in pain.

She continued the rest of the way hopping to the toilet. She took out her toilet bag from her luggage bag near the toilet door and brushed her teeth. Then she did all the things you're supposed to do in the toilet.

She went downstairs to find a box of Honeystars on the table and a large bottle of milk.

"Morning. Feel free to have some of that," said Mrs. Yung.
"Morning. And thanks," Vern said.
"Its alright dear," said Mrs. Yung with a smile.
"Where's Mike?" Vern asked.
"He went out for a walk. Which is very strange of him. He doesn't normally go out walking in the morning."Replied Mrs Yung.
"ohh.."

After Vern had finished her breakfast, she went back up to her room and got dressed after bathing. She then went out the door.

* * * * *

Its so quiet. I wonder whats gonna happen today. Michael pondered. He was never the athletic type, nor the smart type. He was just, Michael. As he sat there on the cold wooden bench overlooking the lake at the park, he would only look around. It was only on a day like this, he would come out to just do nothing, but stare into nothingness, and admire mother nature for what she is...

"ey ...ou...." He could hear a faint voice.
"Hey.." It was getting clearer. As if he was approaching the end of the tunnel.
"Hey you!!" It was as clear as day.

"Wh-wha-what?!?!" He got startled and looked around. He saw Vern staring at him with her hands on her knees half way bending over.
"What the heck are you doing sleeping at a place like this?" Vern said.
"Uhh.. What?? I was sleeping?? Huhh... Must have fallen asleep.."
"Yeah. Lucky I caught you before someone else did," she said.

"Mmm... Had breakfast? I left you some Honeystars.."
"There was barely any left!! You're sucha cannibal!!" she practically shouted out.
"Okay okay.. You don't have to shout.." Michael said sleepily.
"Lets go. you're parents are worried," Vern said.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him up. It took him a few seconds before he realised what was going on. Then he noticed he was wearing a white hoodie with greyish white jeans and Converse black. She was wearing the black-grey jacket from the night before and a sky blue blouse underneath. She wore worn jeans and red converse. She also wore, a watermellon stripe green scarf.

"Hey, whats with all the winter clothing.." Michael said catching up with Vern.
"Its cold okay.."
"And the flash of colours...."
She hit his stomach as he went to her side.
"Oooff!!" Blurted Michael. "What was that for!!"
She ignored him and began to walk faster.
"Hey!!" Michael said. He sighed.
They went on walking without another word.

The park around them slowly evolved from a countryside-ish neighborhood to a more suburban neighbourhood. They were back in the Australian suburbs.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Home Sweet Home

2009-10-02T23:58:00.003+08:00

His mother was the first to see them.

"Hello Vern. Oso oseyo!" She said with a warm smile.
"Mom..."Michael gave a you-didn't-have-to-say-that look.
"Hahah!! Mike, you're too Australian!!" Vern laughed.

The entrance was filled with warm light. As Vern entered, she was immediately in the living room. There were sofas crouded around a small table. There was a flat screen television facing the croud of sofas. There was another sofa somewhere in front of the television, behind the group of sofas.There were pillows on it. The place was decent, if not luxurious. It was what you would find in a modern apartment. The kitchen was visible from the living room. it had some sort of bar where the sink was. Vern had been here once. Michael's mom, Yung Jae Miia, had been utterly confused that time.

"Come on in Vern. Mike will take you to your room." Mrs. Yung said.
"Thanks for letting me stay Mrs. Yung. Its very kind of you." said Vern smiling.
"Owh its no problem! Just, don't pull off anything crazy in here." Mrs. Yung said in a suspicious tone.

"Oh don't worry Mrs. Vern, I won't do anything crazy. Yet." Vern said.
"Okay then. Mike, show her to the guest room."

Michael walked up the stairs. The stairs ended at the second floor. It was an average sized house.
The upstairs living area wasn't as great as the downstairs living area. There was a desktop computer at a corner on an office desk. The desk was big enough for the small amount of papers on the left of the computer. There was a sofa and a small table in front of a average sized television. At another corner there was an area for making beverages like coffee or hot chocolate. From the upstairs living area Mike lead Vern into a corridor where the rooms were. He entered a room and set the luggage bag on the bed.

"Well, here we are. And this is where you sleep. Its a bit dusty. The last time I cleaned it was last week Sunday. But i doubt it'll kill you." Mike said looking around the room.
"Mm-hmm.." Vern said rolling her eyes.
"Yeah.. The toilet's-"
"I know where the toilet is. I've been here before." Vern interrupted.
"Okay then. Come down when you're done." Mike left the room and closed the door hard.

Hhhh.. Boys... Vern thought.

* * * * *

Michael looked at his handphone. He wondered if he should call that girl. He looked at her contact number. He kept on wondering. He decided to call her. He was about to press the button when Vern burst into the room.
"Why aren't you downstairs?!?! Get here now." Vern said pissed off.
Michael, not wanting to upset her even further over such a small matter quickly stood up and went out of the room, putting his handphone in his pocket. He was so puzzled why she is angry.

* * * * *

Michael and Vern sat on opposite sides of the sofa. There was silence. Mr, and Mrs Yung were upstairs already. After a long while..

"Umm.. How are you?" Asked Vern.
"Never better. you?" Replied Michael.
"Umm.. I'm okay. You know, just been hanging with my friends."
"Yeah.. Hey, why not we watch some tv?"
"Sure, good idea." Vern said not wanting to ask any questions.

Michael turned on the television.He hadn't noticed the pyjamas Vern changed into. Huh.. What I used to wear.. Michael remembered the time he used to wear pyjamas. Now he just wears loose, old and comfy clothing. The pattern on Vern's pyjamas were bananas. Michael looked at the television. It was cartoons. He began to feel bored.

"Hey, I think I wanna use the computer. I'll see you tomorrow morning?" Michael asked.
"I think I wanna turn in early. I'm kinda tired. Will see you tomorrow."Vern replied.
"Okay.."

Michael switched off the television and both of them went upstairs. Vern said goodnight to him before going into her room. Michael switched on the computer. He logged in to his Live Chat account. While the computer loads he went to the beverage corner to get a cup of syrup. He went back to the computer. He checked his list of online contacts. He saw her online.

To Be Continued...

The Walk

2009-10-02T22:30:00.006+08:00

He quickly picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Mike? Hey, can you get me from my house? My parents are going overseas and I need a place to stay for a while."

"Wha.."
Michael was wondering why she chose his place to stay. She should have chosen a girl's place to stay but Vern was always the odd one. He pictured her and what she would be wearing. He began to notice his feet become cold and decided he needed a walk. But he still needed to know why.

"Why? Shouldn't you be calling a girl instead?" He answered.
Well.. my best friend went back to her hometown and all the other girls dislike me and I'm afraid of what they would do. Besides, your parents are around. It won't be so bad." Vern answered.

"Well okay... I'll.. be there in.. 15 minutes?" He said with an uncertain tone.
"Okay!! Will see you in 15 minutes!!" Vern said happily.

Michael put the phone on his bed. He paused for a moment pondering on Vern's weird decision. He then got dressed. He pulled out a T-shirt, jeans and belt. He put them on and grabbed his phone and wallet.He asked his parents whether Vern could stay at his house as her parents are overseas. Michael's parents remembered the odd girl and all the weird stunts she pulled off. They agreed but decided to keep a sharp eye on her and Michael.

Michael stepped off the house porch onto the pavement. Looking around he wondered if he should have brought a torchlight. The neighbourhood was almost dark. It was sunset and he knew going to Vern's house and back would mean he would have to walk in the dark. He looked around. His neighbourhood was nothing much. He moved to Melbourne, Australia when he was still small. He still remembers Korean well.

* * * * *

"Vern Hwa Jung"
She turned to the direction of the voice.
"Annyong haseyo!!" Vern said smiling.
"You don't have to talk like that.. This is Melbourne after all.." Mike said.

She was looking towards the sunset. It was cloudy so the sun didn't give much light. It was almost dark at the time. She could barely make out what she wore. She donned a red blouse and a black-grey jacket and wore three-quarter pants and a much thinner jacket around her waist. She had Converse on. There were barely noticable earings in each ear and lipgloss on her lips.

Michael looked puzzled on Vern's choice of clothing.
"Whats with the jackets. Its not like its winter.." Michael said with an uncertain tone.
"Hey, I like it. Besides, at this time of the year, the nights are cold." She replied.
"Yeah yeah.. I bet thats your girlfriend's jacket 'round your waist. Where's your luggage?" Michael said.

She looked around her as if she didn't know where it was. She took her bag behind her and passed it to Michael.

"Here. And this isn't Rebecca's jacket. Its mine!" Vern said the last word in a you're-pissing-me-off tone.

Michael Yung looked more Korean than Australian. She was definately from Korea but Michael's family had blood from all over the place. She heard he was even part German and part Malaysian. She wondered how Malaysia looked like. Probably like Korea.

Noticing her mind had wondered off, "Hello.. Vern... Come back!! Come Back!! Don't leave us yet!! Its not your time yet!!" Michael said teasingly with a goofy grin.

"Very funny.." Vern said smiling.
"Soo... why did you want to stay at my place?" asked Michael as they walked to Michael's place.
"Oh.. Well, I haven't seen your parents for a while and I wanted to."
"Okay.... Thats... Nevermind. So how have you been? I didn't see you since.. that stunt you pulled off.." Michael said.
"Yeah. That was fun. Hah. I've been good. Rebecca and I have heaps of fun!" Vern said smiling.
"Yeah. Hanging out at malls I bet." Michael retorted.

They looked at each other for a moment. They continued walking in silence. It was already dark. Street lamps, car beams and porch lights were their only source of light.

Vern began thinking of Korea. The shopping malls, Seoul, the Korean capital, with its skyscrapers and office buildings. She missed Seoul. She missed her hometown. She wondered if Michael missed his hometown in Korea. She opened her mouth to ask the question when Michael said
"I knew I should have brought a torchlight."

She agreed. She could barely see her feet in the places without street lamps or porch lights. After a short while, they reached Michael's home.
"Well, here we are." Michael said at last.

He opened the door and shouted "I'm home!"

To Be Continued....

When A Girl Cries..

2009-09-30T22:54:00.005+08:00

*ring* He shot out of his daydreaming. The sudden ringing of his phone nearly gave him a heart attack. *ring* The ringing continued. He paused to look at the caller. It was her. He suddenly rushed to answer the call knowing her nature.
"Hello?"
There was a short pause.
"Hello?" he said again.
"Hey.." a wavering voice answered.

"Are you okay?"
"I-I'm fine. I just needed someone to talk to.." she replied.

He could barely hear the sobs.
"Did something happen?" he asked.

There was no answer.
"Is anything wrong? Did I say say something wrong?" he replied.
"No... you didn't.." she finally replied.
The barely audible sobbing continued.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?" he asked.
There was a long pause.
"Hey, you there?"

"Yeah.." she answered.
"Yeah to tell me what happened or yeah to you being there?" he replied.
"No.. I-I-"
He interupted "Its okay if you don't want to tell me what happened. Just, tell me what you want me to do."

There was a moment of pause. He had already sat down on his bed and put down the book he was reading. He wore a worn out T-shirt and short pants. His 'so-called' pyjamas. He'd wear anything that was loose and compfy to sleep. The room was already chilly from the air-conditioning he switched on earlier. His room wasn't messy. It was moderately neat. There were books here and there.

"Hey.." she finally answered.
"Yeah?"
"I'm fine. I don't really feel like talking today.."
"But-but you said-" he stuttered.
"I know what I said. I-I just need to think.. I'm sorry. I'll talk to you some other time okay.."

"Ohh... Okay.. bye.."
The tone went dead.
He sat there for a moment. Why did she call me? There's definately something wrong. I have to find out. He was eager to understand her situation. He always wanted to help people. But how do I find out? What do I do? I really wanna help, but.. What do I do.. He was puzzled on what to do.

He continued to sit there. Then, after what had seemed to be an hour, he couldn't hold his curiosity and picked up his phone. He was about to call her when.. *ring* *ring*

TO BE CONTINUED.............

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2009-09-29T23:33:00.001+08:00

I Think I'm Gonna Go To School For The Whole Week..
Eeeeeeeeeeee.....
I duwan go lar...
Aih...
Nvm...
I gonna go visit other ppl punye class.

But now long can the fun last??
Aih..
Got to go sleep soon..
Zzzzzzzzz.....

Sien larh....

FOOOOOD

2009-09-28T14:05:00.002+08:00

Yummy.....
Teehee!! ^^
Maid whipped up some yummy pasta.
Enjoying it!
Wonder what to do next..
really hoping I don't go school tmrw.
Just duwan nia...
Hmm...
Lets See...
What to do next..

2009-09-27T22:48:00.002+08:00

ITS TIME FOR TOTAL ISOLATION...

Post Deleted

2009-09-26T01:18:00.004+08:00

Post Deleted For No Apparent Reason.

Lost Time

2009-09-23T23:06:00.007+08:00

It wasn't that great a night.

It was as though it was only for pictures.

We barely had any time anyway.

It wasn't the best night.

But it was a fun night.

Shireen and Grace.

The two babes whom we went with to Pyramid.

O.o.. Whats so interesting

Hahah. Lol..

The place we went to eat at. Gasoline Cafe

The food we ate. Was alright.

I had Hawaii Chicken Speghetti which was spicy and drank some Cafe Blue Mountain thingy.

At least I think thats what its called.

Mah sis, Shireen and Grace. ^^

I was pretty much trailing behind them most of the time.

It seemed o be a Girl's Night Out.

Aih..

Mah sis went to MoGirls, Girls and Sasha to find a pencilbox..

I didn't do any shopping cause there wasn't enough time.

And Shireen and Grace already went shopping the day b4..

Aih..

If only there was more time..

And more pictures.

My camera was running out of bettery and Shireen's camera most of the pictures.

More people joined us at the end.

This was when we were at the lift going to Shireen's car.

It was Shireen's sis and her BF or is it GF??

I'm not sure at all.

He or she sounded like a girl but looked like a boy but looked like a girl at the same time.

Haih..

Soo complicated.

In the end I guessed he or she was a boy cause Shireen's sis gave a peck on his cheek.

Haha. Shireen and Grace.

While they were sending us back, me brain got all fuzzy and I couldn't think.

So you could say we got lost for a bit. Lol..

Soo sorry Shireen!! : (

In the end, it was like it could have been better but it wasn't.

It was like we made up for lost time but was too short of a time.

I'm really hoping we get to go out more in the future.

There's still more time to catch up.

But for now, this will do.

Finally..

2009-09-23T18:12:00.000+08:00

Hey hey!!
Going out soon!!
Finally after a long long time.
Pyramid!
Lol..
Haven't been there for ages!!
Haha.

GTG get ready.
ttyl dudes and dudettes!!
^^

dailyroutine

2009-09-20T18:49:00.004+08:00

Yay..
I'm in Penang.
450km from home.
I somehow miss home.
But its actually the people back home.

I just wonder what will happen coming here.
Its just so tiresome.
I'm just so tired of living soo routinely.
Its like HELL.
Jeez...

Missing church.
Man..
Must have been a great message.
Right about now I bet service is ending.
Aih..
Wonder whats instore for me..

Mumbles..

2009-09-18T02:54:00.003+08:00

Ugh..

Well, things are going much better now.

Exam stress is still there but, well, I'm okay now.

Aih..

Can't get bazaar food anymore.

The tuitions keep bugging in and I can't go..

I'm just feeling funny.

Aih..

So tmrw I'm not sure what's gonna happen.

Hopefully someone will take me out.

Teehee!! ^^

I just can't wait till all this crap is over..

Haih..

Soo much for happy times..

If You'd Just Realise

2009-09-11T15:39:00.002+08:00

Meehh....
I just hate being tired most of the time..
Even on a super hot day when I wanna go out sometimes I'd just be suddenly..
I'd suddenly feel feverish... maybe not enough water..

I've just found out a few things.
When I'm gonna do something thats not very easy, I keep messing up even in practice.
And then I found out its all in my mind.
Whenever I'm doing that something, I'm in a different state of mind.
And so the screw ups.
Yeah..

Today was the Treasure hunt thingy..
Wasn't that fun at all..
Was Wasted after that..
Madly tired.
Well, thats all fer now..
Toodles!!
XDXP

2009-09-06T10:00:00.001+08:00

Lol..
Hopefully today'll be a good one.
Lol..
I don't know what to write.
After I get back I'll post something.

Heheh.

Ugh..

2009-09-05T01:54:00.003+08:00

Church.
I know.
I know I'm supposed to be there.
It just keeps getting harder and harder to find a reason to go there.
Everytime I go, I find less reason not to.
I'm trying to honour God the best I can.
It just seems that is the only reason left to go to church.

Funny how God works.
Right now, I just don't really care anymore.
I'm giving up caring.
I mean everyone else doesn't anyway.
Why should I.

Maybe I should just, dissapear for half a year or more.
I wonder what will happen.
Hhh..
Silence is Golden?
Bullcrap.
Gold means nothing.
Friends and family are EVERYTHING.

Yet Everything seems so far away.
I just want to grab hold of it.
Never let it go.
But how do I keep something I don't have.
Something I only have memories and dreams about.

Life Is Soo Empty.

My Own

2009-08-31T21:25:00.003+08:00

I've been wanting to draw my own blog picture.
Still not sure how it'll turn out and if the printer/scanner downstairs will work.
Haven't started on it yet but the coming soon thing is serving as a pretty imaginative blog picture.
Hahah.
I've also been wanting to write a good song for ages now.

Well, the holidays have just about ended and, still, I haven't studied for the Sejarah paper tmrw.
Something funny about the way my feelings work.
I can be sad yet happy at times.
Or Depressed yet feeling I'm okay.
Its all just been a jumble of emotions.
How Confusing..

I really really like Taylor Swift.
There, I said it.
Seriously, her songs are giler nice and awesome.
And she's written the best lyrics I've heard.
I love all the songs she's written and composed.
And, i just can't get enough of her.
You could say I'm mad, but then again, aren't we all?
Look at the amount of stress we have every day.
Talking about students, working adults, college students.

Seriously, I need a break.
A Big One.
With no tuitions to ruin my day.
Owh well.
Tomorrow is just gonna be soo stressful.
Bloody exams..
Aih..
Damn It..

Whats Going On

2009-08-31T00:44:00.003+08:00

I'm, just soo confused lately..
I'm feeling all these things and, I don't know..
I'm feeling pretty weird..
My decisions are going astray, my prayer is getting a lil' runny, things aren't all that great.

Even my career is affected.
Now, I REALLY Don't know what 'm gonna do..
Its like I have to learn everything to find out.
I don't know what I'm good at..
Its just soo directionless..
I'm in a fog..
Don't know where the hell I'm going..

Every time I look at the sky I don't see anything.
I used to find something but now it seems I'm totally clueless..
I'm totally lost..
Damn it..
Whats going on...

I'm just trusting in God now to show me a door..
But lately, its all in shambles..
Its like I wanna do something but I don't know what.
I've never been so unsure of myself.
Damn it..
I'm Soo Lost...

Mentally Lame

2009-08-25T23:14:00.004+08:00

A much nicer term for Mentally Retarded.

Damn it.. I am soo pissed.

Jeez.. WhyTF did I have to do that.

Feel like a bloody retar- lame person.

Damn It!!

Don't care anymore.. I'm gonna pass no matter what..

I noe its not right but gonna pao.

I hate doing that but..

I just don't know..

Just wanna get it over with and done.

Damn it..

stupidest shit ever..

Gonna go Rachel's place tmrw..
Don't know what to expect but, yeah.

Just need to find my ground.

Hanging on by a thread, is not bloody easy.

Just wanna get everything over and done with..

Damn it...

Jeez....

Of Legacies And CF

2009-08-04T22:04:00.004+08:00

Hey guys. I've been totally bored for the last few days. I find that the only thing keeping me company is some story books and a few certain people that are miles away.

I've never been out with friends since like, forever. Thank God for Acts. Without it, Who knows what madness I would have succumbed to.

Gosh. A lot of good people have passed away this year. Too many. Just too many. Leaves a message don't you think.

If not now, then maybe never. Are you trying your best to reach out to your fellow friends and family? There's not much time left.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just don't. I wonder how it'll all work out. I wonder if we, as seniors can leave a legacy for our juniors. It seems we're fading out like the stars.

One by one, until there is no more lights to light the night sky. What do you do when all seems to be other than what it is supposed to be.

Gosh..

2009-08-01T11:39:00.004+08:00

I really feel as though I'm dying slowly but surely.
I mean, i've never felt like this before.
Its like I'm just so tired all the time.

I have no mood to do anything and I can't really go out or I might collapse.
Its just so troublesome.

I really pray that I don't really die.
I feel I could drop dead any moment now.
Gosh.
There's still too much to do.
Where has all my energy gone!?! Aih..

Things are now so confusing and I'm completely disoriented.
I feel like a stranger in my own house.

I just wish things would get better.

Feverishedness

2009-07-30T21:55:00.002+08:00

Hey guys. Just been sick for a few days and, it really really sucks!! Its been horrible.. The.. Ugh.. cold and cough and all the crapy things of being sick. It really isn't fun.

The days i've been at home were, boring. I noe I don't talk much, but I just am at a loss for words every time. I need to read more books!! Hmm..

All the exam stress and everything else i have to worry about is really getting to me. I feel like SPM is only a few weeks away!! Aih. Time to do some of the studying.

Thats it i guess.. Got nothing to say. Just hope the sickness would go away for at least till SPM is over.. Den Sick can la. But not sick oso better la. Aih. Gotta find my way back..

Faith In Jesus

2009-07-24T23:37:00.003+08:00

Define, Faith. Faith is believing in something eventhough you don't see it. Faith is putting trust in something that seems impossible to be done. What is Faith to you? It has different meanings for everyone. For me, its something that I simply can't live without. I hold on to this trust with my Life. Eventhough I am weary till my body aches, I keep holding on. Cause I know that without it I will surely perish.

I hold on, knowing something better will come. But I am careful of incoming storms and am prepared to hold on. I've made a promise to hold on no matter what. God has surely blessed me with a lot of things. There are still hiccups I wanna get rid off. I don't know how. I've been puzzling how to and have asked God but there seems to be no answer.

I've been thinking that maybe I have the answer already. I just, I'm just so fearful all the time. Even when I don't want to be fearful. I guess I'm afraid of dissapointments. I've been living a long dissapointment after all. Sometimes, all I wanna do, is just lie and stare at the night sky. I really want to do that. Just lay aside all the problems.

Falling asleep under the stars would be soo cool. And when it suddenly rains in the night there would be a small villa I can run to. In some ways, the villa is Jesus. He has sheltered us, nourished us, kept us alive all these years. As we keep putting Faith into action, rewards behold. It may not be a material reward, but seeing your friends holding hands with Jesus is worth more than material wealth.

I'm just dissapointed that some of my friends can't seem to see how great is holding hands with Jesus. I know they still have time and might adventually but I'm really impatient about that. I really want them to be the difference. I want to leave that legacy before I leave school. Its something I must do. Somehow. I just don't want to see friends falling so far I can't reach for them anymore.

To Leave A Legacy For The Sake Of Others

ICantStopThisNow

2009-07-23T20:16:00.002+08:00

When Things Are Getting Better, Be Ready For A Big Dissapointment.

Yep. Eventhough things seem to be geting better there's more dissapointment coming up ahead. I know dissapointment. I've seen it, felt it, lived it. The rule is never build tall towers of Hope cause it will come crashing down. If I were to count the towers in my life, there would be a lot of destroyed towers.

Yeah. I've had a ton of dissapointments but ya can't hold on to them. They'll just bring you crashing down too!! There may be scars, but thats what life's about. You fall down only to rise. So sometimes you may feel sad about something. Just don't stay in depression. It'll kill you. Believe me, I've had my share.

Don't Stay In One Ghost Town. Move On To The Bustling Bright City!! XDXD

SUBANG INTERSHOOL CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP RALLY 09

2009-07-14T21:51:00.013+08:00

Subang Interschool Christian Fellowship Rally 2009.

It took place in Sunway University College.

This rally was not something ordinary. It was extraordinary. There was nothing that could explain it. It is something felt, seen and heard. This is my side of the rally and what I went through on that amazing day.

I woke up at 5.oo a.m. You know how early that is? I slept at 1.oo a.m. the day before. But I wasn't really tired. Was there at about 6.40 a.m. Started bringing down speakers and projector screens. The rest were slowly one by one entering the waiting area. Ushers and grounds and some of my technical team. I was the second to be there. B. Shia was first.

After moving the stuff down and setting them up, the laptop arrived and we set everything up. After that, found out that without the mixer (which is in repair) we can't use the new speakers. So I waited downstairs while they brought the old speaker down and carried the new ones up. I was taking care of the stuff downstairs. Don't think I wasn't doing anything beb.

We set it up and it works!! Played worship songs for the rest of the morning. After we were ordered to play some video which was like soo bad quality. We changed back to songs after being asked to by one of the committee. We packed up and put everything back in the storeroom.

SMKSU!! XDXD

After putting back the stuff, I went for session 1. A pastor whom I have forgotten his name spoke. After that was lunch. before Session 1 ended we took out the old speaker, laptop, projector and mics to the V.I.P. Room. Was totally confused as why we were there in the first place. Apparently they were using it for the meeting they were about to have. But then they didn't need it.

We later took down the equipment to the canteen area. The plus side of this confusion is that I got to meet Hannah Yeoh!! I really wanted to meet her. I also got to meet a few other people. At the canteen we were rushing to set up the stuff as many people were already there. Once set up, I chilled for a while as the line was soo long. Couldn't get my food till like 25 mins later.

It was now time for Session 2. Pastor was Pr. Andy!! ^^ One of my favourite people!! XDXD Hahah.

He was awesome today. Shared some awesome stuff. Also..

Yup. To get his point across the room he stood on a chair. Or maybe it was so people could see him. O.o... XD

Look who else I caught!!

Ahahah!! Miss Van!! Actually, she looks quite pro de.. Fuyoh...

AHAH!! Miss Aman. Ooi! STALKER!!

This session ended with people at the altar. This is only a small part of whats to come.

The Sunway University College' Hall.

At night, it was really packed. I mean like this is how 1000+ people look like.

They even had people up on the balconies!! That was packed man.

The pastor who spoke was Pr. Clemont. Not sure if thats the right spelling but yeah. Anyway, he always did funny faces and acted funny but lame.

Pr. Clemont's Super Pose!! Yeah... No comment there pastor..

Hmm.. don't know what expression this is..

Aww.. Pastor, don't cry..

Hahah. But I think people were laughing more than listening to what he was trying to say.

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention, the pastor likes grabbing for people's pants. Don't know why. Funny guy..

At the altar, there weren't many at first. Pastor asked some people to take those who wanted to accept Christ into a room. Then he called for those who needed prayer. Slowly, one by one, people started coming to the altar. Even an hour after there were still people coming up to the altar. Slowly, but one by one.

It was really a sight. The final session's worship was really awesome with laser lights and rightly timed flashes of lights. It was really giler awesome man. It was like no rally was this awesome. This is really the best of the best. Hundreds of people were worshipping and jumping. Imagine, you're in the front worshipping. You turn back and you see a sea of people jumping and worshipping. Its Crazy Man!!!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! XD

There was a dance for the last session performed by CHC dance crew. Man those guys are good. But I didn't take such a good video. I was rushing and didn't get into a good position. If I find a better video I'll post it up. Since Blogger is taking such a long time to upload the video, I'll post the video another time.

Till next time peoplez. Toodles!! Rofl..

Nothing Can Explain The Awesomeness That Is Subang Rally 2009

SUBANG INTERSHOOL CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP 09

2009-07-12T01:00:00.001+08:00

WILL UPDATE WHEN I HAVE TIME!! HAVE LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTSA PICTURES!!! AND VIDEO TOO!!!! GONNA BE A LONG POST PEOPLE.

Finally Find You And I Collide

2009-07-05T19:07:00.002+08:00

I dunno why I lazy blog about what I do nowadays. Haih. Ok. Today will try do a full recount. Well, what I did today was I went for driving lessons. Not that easy leh. But can drive la. But when the driving instructor leaves u alone to drive, thats when you can learn a lot. Hahah.

Guess what? My driving instructor left me alone, gave me a some things to do, and went off. You know where? He go makan. What the heck man. DAMN IT!! Jeez.. My dad just said we're not eating home tonight. Jeez.. I Hate when he KEEP CHANGING HIS BLOODY MIND. ARGH!!

Haih. Next I went to church. Good message. Helped me back on my feet. After that, surprisingly Van was smiling at me. T_T.. I thought she was still pissed at me. But not sure bout K though. I get that feeling when I see K again. Man.. Can things get any more worse..

After saying my goodbyes to my fellow ACTS Churchians, I went home to get a map to, is it EBC Gospel Centre? Hmm. Not sure. Anyways, got the map and went there. Was kinda lost for a bit but found it adventually. There, I was just in time for the worship. Then, Josh C. took the mic. I was hoping it wouldn't be as long as the time he took the mic at CF Camp. Thankfully it wasn't.

Okay. After worship, we split. Everyone went to their specific and respective duty briefing. Mine was IT Department. After all the briefings, I helped out for the Subang Rally tag strings. They were cutting and melting the ends of the strings so that the whole string didn't come apart. I decided to help them. Kim Y and Tsu Tsien, is it? helped too.

I bet it would have taken longer if we hadn't. After all the cutting and melting, it was like 6 o'clock!! We started at what, 2? Briefing ended at about 3.45. Woah. Long time de. Okay. Thats all.

Gave Ed T and Wy T a ride home. Thats all. Now I'm gonna "rush shower" and go off for dinner. Ciao.

I Hate People Who Change Their Minds At The Last Minute..

Just An Update

2009-07-05T00:32:00.004+08:00

It was Hari Keluarga. I don't want to write long. All I'm saying is it was awesome. I learnt some things, wasted money, basically it was just a fun day. The night was the Talent Quest 09 Finals. Hennings Got Consolation prize. Mimic got First place in the Dance Category and the sisters Cheryl and something won First prize for the Singing Category.

Stuff has been happening lately. Its confusing where I'm being Led to. I'll just follow. Hopefully there will be another field with good pasture. Things haven't really changed much. There are still a lot of things I want to get rid of and there are still things I want to get. But there's still the things I want to get back. Just so tired of everything.

Just So Tired...

Can't Play On Broken Strings

2009-06-30T21:48:00.002+08:00

Okay. What do I do now? I have a broken string. And one broken string will spoil everything. What do I do... I've been asking myself and the Holy Spirit this question. I'm no getting any answers. What do I do. How can I fix broken strings? What do I have to do? I'll wait for the answer. But what if that is the answer. Waiting. I don't know. If I have to wait a lifetime, its no use. What do I do..

What Do I Do

Can't Feel Anything That My Heart Doesn't Want To Feel

2009-06-28T20:39:00.002+08:00

Semi-finals wasn't bad. Was just really hoping the Degels would enter finals. They were awesome. But I guess they were just too busy to rehearse like mad. Got to know some of my friends just a little bit more I guess. Just feel so weird now. I just don't know how to take back what I've lost. Its difficult, but is it real?

Well, still sick with fever, cough and a cold. I'm tired from all the things I did today. Driving lessons, church, semi-finals. Plus I got my right thumb sprained. How am I gonna write now. Typing is also a painful experience. I'm just keeping a blank face to hide the pain I'm in. True in all aspects.

Don't know how I'm gonna do homework due tomorrow. AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA PRACTICE GUITAR. NOOOOOO. Aih. I could list a hundred regrets. Just don't know how...

My Only Regret Is Losing My Friends To Something I Don't Understand

Say Goodbye

2009-06-27T14:02:00.002+08:00

I never liked funerals. Much more, many people passed away last week. First, my aunt. Then, Michael Jackson and that Charlie's Angels chick. I'm gonna miss my aunt. Gona miss visiting them and seeing her open the door to her house. Gonna miss her gentleness and kindness. And the children. What are they going to do. Their mother is gone. Their father is going in 6 months. How are they going to survivc without them?

Unlike people like us, who have parents and ae capable of taking care of ourslves, They are still much much more younger. The oldest is only form 1. This world will not last if its the way it is. Both aunt and uncle are battling cancer. How do you fight something without damaging yourself? There's always damage.

The only thing now that can help us with our bloody problems is prayer. There is no other way. Only one way.

This World Will Not Last The Way It Is

2009-06-18T14:31:00.002+08:00

What to blog about? Hmm. There's nothing to blog about. Everything seems so wrong. Seems that I'm falling and just keep on falling. Like there's nothing to stop me from falling. The way things are.. they don't seem like they will improve at all. I'm just gonna keep praying.. I'll Pray Until Something Happens.

BM Lisan

2009-06-16T21:34:00.002+08:00

Baik juga cuti sekolah anda. Cuti sekolahku dihabiskan di kampungku. Kampungku terletak di Pulau Pinang. Di sana, ramai jenis makanan yang boleh didapati. Aku menetap di rumah sepupuku. Mereka sentiasa meriah. Mereka selalu keluar makan selepas makan malam. Memang tidak boleh bosan dengan mereka.

Sepupuku membawaku ke Tokong Ular. Tempat tersebut bukanlah besar, tetapi terdapat banyak ular di sana. Ular di merata-rata tempat dan tidak menggigit orang. Penjaga Tokong Ular telah melatihkan ular-ular tersebut supaya tidak menggigit orang. Masa saya melawat tokong tersebut, tokong tersebut sedang direnovasikan.

Selepas itu kami pergi makan tengah hari di Lorong Selamat yang terkenal untuk mi goreng cina itu. Makanan yang terdapat di sana lebih murah daripada makanan di sini dan juga lebih sedap. Anda hanya boleh jumpa makanan sebegini di sini. Kami makan penuh-penuh. Selepas itu, kita pulang ke rumah sepupuku untuk rehat.

Sepupuku membawaku bermeriah di tempat membeli-belah Gurney Plaza. Kita dapat menonton filem tayangan di sana sebelum makan malam. Selepas makan malam, kita berjalan-jalan di dalam pusat membeli-belah tersebut. Pada waktu malam, Mereka membawaku keluar makan lagi.

Sepupuku juga membawaku bersiar di Persiaran Gurney. Pemandangan pantai di sana sangat cantik. Pada waktu malam, Persiaran Gurney sangat bermeriah. Banyak restoran membuka pada waktu ini dan dipenuhi orang ramai. Kami makan malam persiaran tersebut. Selepas itu, kita hanya duduk dan menikmati pemandangan.

Terdapat banyak yang boleh didapati serta dinikmati di Pulau Pinang. Saya tak pernah puas pergi ke pulau tersebut. Memang meriah kampungku.

R. U. IN HEART

2009-06-11T16:45:00.003+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CF CAMP!!!! AWESOME MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO REGRETS!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO PICS HERE!!!!!!!! GO CF BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://cfsmksu.blogspot.com/

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS NOT HOW YOU START IT
ITS HOW YOU END IT
ITS THE LEGACY YOU LEAVE BEHIND

Well..

2009-06-07T21:43:00.003+08:00

CF Camp's tomorrow. There's a lot to expect. The one thing I dun liek iz the shower. There isn't one. Sad. Well, I know I should have taken pictures for Revolution Conference. I noe my blog's boring. I'm still tired after all the events that took place until now. I don't know if I have enough for CF Camp.

How do you start. Where do you start. I don't really start things. Conversations, I don't really start. Somehow when talking to people I talk differently when talking to different people. I don't really know how to react or what to say when talking to people. Especially teens. Yeah. I always talk to the young adults. Maybe thats why. I'm old in mentality. Aiks.. No wonder I feel like I should be in college..

So really, just, say something. I'm waiting for you people to just, say something.

Just, Say Something.

Son Of Right Hand

ITS THE REVOLUTION BABY

2009-06-06T23:31:00.003+08:00

The Revolution Conference was Incredible. It was the best ever. I will never forget. Now, its on to CF Camp. I don't know what to expect there, but I hope to share incredible stories. There's still a lot I wish I hadn't done. I really hope you have it on your heart somewhere to forgive. I just wasn't saved yet. Just lukewarm. Until now. Hopefully by God's grace it stays that way. May pride turn to joyful sorrow. There's still a lot to throw away, a lot to gain. As we continue on in our lives,

You shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. Acts 1:8

I really pray for forgiveness. What do I say? What do I do? How Can I make it up to you? Tell me, and I will listen.

Son Of Right Hand XP

I Just Don't Know

2009-06-06T00:41:00.003+08:00

I'm just so tired. I am praying that tomorrow will be okay. I pray I will be able to go for Revo Academy. God, give me the strength to go on another day. Give me strengh to go another 6 days. Its going to be the toughest week ever. Hey. I don't know what you think of me. In a picture, I see everyone I have ever known and loved. All except me. The picture is in a frame. I guess I am the frame. I guess I deserve it. I never had the best childhood. Always living in fear of other people. I may not have as great a life as you all, I may not be what I look like on the outside, but just know that all of you have did something to me. I may not have been as good as I am if I hadn't met you. Just know that I will forever keep you in prayer. I'm talking to everyone who has ever talked to me. Yeah you. Kudo's to you guys. ^^

Rats Don't Burp!! ^^

A Total Waste Of Time

2009-06-03T20:39:00.002+08:00

The holidays are proving to be that. But it might just be one of the last times I can rot. My holiday so far, isn't so great. I really really hope Revo is worth the wait. The one thing I really hate is waking up early in the morning. I don't know what else to say besides whatever that comes to my mind. I'm so bored.. Aih..

God's PLan?

2009-05-31T21:08:00.006+08:00

Woah. Guys. Today was one of the most awesomest ACTS Church 2 service Day I have to date! For those who didn't come, you missed a whole lot of fun. Man. But I have to tell you this first.

I woke up bloody early today. I was supposed to go for my Amali Driving Workshop but guess what, there isn't one. So my dad got all pissed. But it wasn't a waste at all. Okay. The reason I say its God's plan is because if I went for that, I would miss meeting the Penangites.

Yeah. I know Andrew's face is totaly vapourised in half. Haha. It was like soo awsome. Almost like meeting my cousins. Haha. A little reminder of Penang. They came for both morning service and evening service and it was great. Love their smiles and laughters. But I managed to catch this picture. Andrew, don't kill me when I get to Penang.

(Click Image To Enlarge)

Haha. Well I will DEFINATELY keep in contact with them. Hopefully I will be able to go for Revo Conference. If not, Then Penang is as good a choice. I'll visit them really early. Haha. But now its all up to God to decide my fate. Yeah.

Yeah. It really works. Well, I'm off to go Facebooking or something. Ciao.

Dawn. A New Day.

Well..

2009-05-31T08:31:00.002+08:00

I've been writing these really short posts lately. Truth is, there's nothing much to say, but so much to do. I've been wondering whats going to happen in the events that are about to unfold. Puzzling really. I know my blog is a bit boring now. I'm sorry for that. well, I haven't been very, well, healthy in a sense.

Today, I'm not sure if I should write this but, yeah. I'm writing it. You should by now or a while a go knew about Ingrid. I'll keep praying, but life moves on. Have you ever lost someone to cancer? I don't know. But I know at least 2 family members having cancer. Its.. well, how to put it.. It killed a lot of people now already.

I don't know whats next. You remember the time when either one of your teachers say there's no such thing as "don't know"? Well, there always is. The words exist because no man knows everything. Its a line that has and will be used if you don't have the information or knowledge. Hahah. I'm writing about random stuff to make this post longer. Well.. Time to go..

Dawn. A New Day.

Okay Or Not Okay

2009-05-30T22:34:00.004+08:00

ALEX. I'M ALL THE WAY BEHIND YOU. WILL SEE YOU IN CHURCH SOON. ^^

For the past days I've been feeling weird. Its very confusing now. Am I okay? The one thing I really hate right now is I have to wake up very early tomorrow for Amali. DAMN IT. I'm gonna miss mass. Aih. Whats with the busy holidays? You're asking me? Its the last time I'll ever do what I'm gonna do in the holidays. I have to go for it. My only hope. Can't believe I'll be leaving school so fast. I'm gonna miss the events. I'll miss CF and its Mr. Jacob. But life goes on. All those who's still studying in school, make sure you enjoy your school life before its all over. Time will tell.

Dawn. A New Day.

The Way I Like It

2009-05-29T15:31:00.002+08:00

The art above has everything I really want. It has the city I want, the sky I want, the girl I want. It has everything. What I truly want is there. God is always first of course. But who said we can't have dreams? This is my dream. My fantasy. My goal. Whatever you call it, its mine. I wonder whats yours.

Dawn. A New Day.

Looking Towards The Dawn

2009-05-29T01:37:00.004+08:00

Its another new day. More to await. More to do. People to see. People to forgive. People to apologise to. Places to go. Places to see. People to meet. There's soo much more to life than meets the eye. You have to see it. To leave behind your past failures and towards the sun. To put aside the sorrow and guilt and live in the light. To walk beside someone who never leaves you for anything. To be in a place where the sun rises and the city lives. Somewhere. Somewhere that keeps you awake at night just so you can have a few more seconds to yourself. Somewhere someone accompanies you to watch the dawn. Somewhere you cannot hate, only love. Somewhere called home.

Dawn. A New Day.

DAMN IT

2009-05-27T18:55:00.003+08:00

Its difficult knowing you have guilt and proof that you did something wrong and going around life with it. But even if you want to apologise, it gets a whole lot more difficult. There's the shame of it and the fear of making it worse. Haih. Makes you wanna live like a banana. Grow and ripen only to be eaten up by a bloody monkey. Well, at least banana's don't really have to face what humans do. We eat them as well. Apologising is easy? I don't think so. Apologising is hard, but is necessary. Just pray like mad that it all falls through. I wish I hadn't hurt anyone in the first place. But I never saw through the guise. When you think its all okay, its not.

Sorry la. Forgive me please. I feel like jumping off a building de.. I'll be coming to ask you. Adventually. So please wait and be patient. Your acceptance is very very very much appreciated.

DAMN IT

2009-05-27T14:31:00.002+08:00

Wth.. Feel soo bad now.. Must be the crappy bacang... Ugh.. I feel like jumping of a building.. Anyways.. Ugh.. Well, last day of exam is tomorrow. Finally. There's soo many things that, I wanna do with certain peeps. But its like not happening. Haih. Man.. I get more in tune wif my bad side at home. Thats why going out is better expecially if its Church. Owh man.. Need some sleep. Good sleep. Getting tired of living. I'm gonna go sleep after digesting the crappy bacang.. Ugh.. Ciao everybody..

Live Free, Rock Hard.

...

2009-05-24T00:26:00.003+08:00

You know, I've probably hurt a number of people I know often in ways I didn't know of. How I wish I didn't, but at least the promise I made didn't get compromised. But what I'm looking for is different. I've tried and am still trying but I just can't seem to find it. Its as if there's soo many versions of it. I just wonder if I'm looking in the right place. Its nothing ordinary yet everyone has it. Everyone's is different, unique in their own way. There are things that even I wonder if its really part of whatI want. So I'm just taking a new frame and adding parts of what I want it to be, as close to what I want it to be. Hopefully it will turn out right. One of my only hopes for the future. Maybe there's a glint of something that has eluded me for ages. I guess time will tell.

To Ignore, Is Bliss.
To Forget, Is Impossible.
To Ask Forgiveness, Is Heroic.
To Forgive, Is Divine.

...

2009-05-21T13:42:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to think of her. She's an awesome girl. She has a lot of things to talk about. Mainly about her life. I don't really mind though. At least someone talks to me at all. She's, how do you put it, umm.. sometimes I don't know what she's saying. I'm not sure if she can keep secrets. But I trust her anyway. I wouldn't say she's a pretty face, but her smile is, memorable. Well, now that I think of it, she is, Unique. I don't think you can find anyone like her. But I wonder what she thinks of me..

Live Free, Rock Hard

2009-05-17T23:44:00.002+08:00

Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwyz

2009-05-17T22:12:00.004+08:00

What if I told you I was dying in three weeks. What would you do? Would you run around like a naked chicken? Or will you skip school to accompany me in my last moments? Its hard to tell what people will do.

So morning service and afternoon service is over. I'm home, and I'm tired. What am I doing? I'm blogging. What I should be doing? Some studying for the coming exam. Why aren't I doing it? I don't know. I'm just thinking.

It seems I have to be in control of everything. I must keep everything to a certain level. Depression, Safe level. Paranoia, stable. Boredom, I'm cool. Anxiety, Okay. Happyness, controlled.

Looks like I can't be too happy or too sad. Just passive. Then, I will be passive. As much as I hate it, it has to be done. I guess I can't be too happy cause I tend to hurt people when I am trying to be. Then maybe not happy is better. I'll do what I have to do to ensure other people are happy.

So thats that. Have a great life people..

Jadi Hannah Montana Rock Bersama Shila

2009-05-09T14:07:00.003+08:00

WOW. IT WAS AWSOME!! MET GREAT PEOPLE! BUT.. DIDN'T GET A GOODIE BAG.. AWWWW..... I WAN!! T-T... Well my CF was called to help to usher psople. So I did. Was really loud. Took a LOT of pics. Will upload it and hopefully it will work. And I got to wear mConverse today!! ^^ Haha. The person who won the thing to get Shila to come here is Joey Tong, sister of Joel Tong. See the resemblence now? ^^ Got to meet her!! And she has skillz seriously!! Totaly Awsome. First Performance Summore. Wow.. If Only i could sing like that.. Will Update more when I have time. ^^

Revo Tour Kluang 09 Continued

2009-05-08T20:36:00.003+08:00

YESS!! FINALLY GOT THE PICS HERE. Okay to continue. So the guys set up their stuff and started the practice session. Here's some of the dudes and dudettes.

Welcome To Revo Tour Kluang

Electric Guitarist aka Carmen Electra(Eww..)

The Dudes And Dudettes aka Pr. Andy and the Red Whites

Electric Guitarist aka Jack

Bassist Aka Mr. Invisible In The Dark(I'm so mean..)

The Dudes And Dudettes

Yeah Man. It was awsome. Haha. While they were playing, Some of us, got Ice Cream!! Haha. Perfect for a hot hot and sweat sweat day. Haha. Then everyone else went to get ice cream. Well, except the band. They practiced. Even Elder Shirley got Ice Cream. Haha.

Then, We set up the banners. Man. I had the idea all along, but since I wasn't myself then, I didn't give it, but they got it anyway. Haha. Since the Agape Church had a triangular front roof thingy, We did it on the two sides of it and it was smart cause both directions of the road can view it.

And so, We chilled out for a few mins. Then we had the prayer. Was really different from the ones we do before church. Longer. And so people started coming in. Haha. Then we started the whole thing. I didn't get much pics. But I did get some.

Pr. Kenneth The Speaker

He was great. I believe it was his best ever. It was good. The message. I believe many people were touched that day. Including..

Jeng Jeng Jeng..

The National Service People!!

I was really surprised when I saw them. And when it was time for savation call, I saw almost all their hands rising up!! Thank God. More people on the right path. I mean, not that any other religions are on the wrong path. But I mean they were free thinkers. So thank God more people got saved.

But thats not all. Even after the whole thing, We came out with something much more than what we went there with. We gained friends. I gained friends. Friends are the best man. If I get NS and go to Kluang, Its Agape Sundays!! Haha.

Da Man And Chris.

Yeah. The rest of the journey home was, cool. before we left, we had our dinner and some can drink which can never be found in subang. Wow. It was goooood. Better than some normal can drinks. Well, on the bus, it was like, what, 20, 30 minutes before everyone was asleep? Haha. Yups.

We reached our second home, Summit USJ, at about 2.30 a.m. I hated it but I called my dad to get me. Haih. Well, Home Sweet Home. Left everything to sort out the day after and I slept at 3 a.m.

Overall, it was one of the first and best 'Mission Trips' I've had so far. Gained much more experience about myself, others, and, well, a lot of experience. Well thats it for this post. The next one will be updated soon. Till then..

Live Free, Rock Hard

K's Quiz. How Asian Are You? Quiz

2009-05-01T23:46:00.005+08:00

Hey guys, will update more on the Revo Kluang some other time. I've been a bit tired lately. Mind, Body, Soul. Meanwhile, I feel I should do this quiz. If u want to do it you can just copy, paste this on your blog. Make sure you let me know on the chatterbox so I can read it.

How Asian Are You?

If you're Asian you GOTTA take this quiz. If you're not, envy the Asians... HAHAHAHAHAH yeah, like that would ever happen! So, how 'asian' are you?????

[x] Both of your parents are from Asia
[x] You were born in Asia
[ ] You use the term "Azn"
[ ] You think DDR is cool
[x] You've watched lots of anime
[ ] You like Korean drama
[ ] You have stuff hanging on your phone
[ ] Your parents want you to marry within your own race
[x] You eat rice almost everyday
[ ] You drink lemon tea

X's so far: 4

[x] You style your hair
[x] You have a bebo/myspace/friendster
[x] You speak languages other than English fluently
[ ] Your parents are strict compared to other REALLY asian parents
[x] Your parents have high expectations of you
[ ] You always get A's/B's on your report
[x] You do Chemistry/Biology/Physics/Accounting
[x] You know your multiplication table
[x] You play badminton or table tennis
[x] You've seen the asian version The ring/The grudge

X's so far: 12

[ ] You go/want to go to a university and would NEVER consider an apprenticeship
[x] You own an asian car (Honda, Toyota, etc)
[x] You're not the only child
[x] You've gotten little red envelopes around February
[x] You know the difference between kung fu, karate and tae kwon do
[x] (If you're a girl)You prefer white guys over asian guys (If you're a guy) You prefer asian girls
[x] Your mother tries to bargain even though the product is already discounted
[ ] You can do the rubiks cube
[x] You have a box of noodles somewhere in your house
[x] You play computer games

X's so far: 20

[x] Every time you're going out your parents ask you where you're going and what time you'll be home
[ ] You have karaoke at home
[x] You know BOA/Gazette/Ayumi Hamasaki/Gackt
[ ] You've been to a LAN more than 3 times
[x] You have incense sticks/moth balls in your house
[x] You own a gaming console
[x] You play a musical instrument
[x] You don't wear shoes in your house
[x] You can use chopsticks
[x] You get nothing if you do well in school

X's so far: 28

[ ] Your parents won't let you go out if you have school the next day
[x] You have asian songs on your computer/iPod
[x] You don't like football(soccer)
[x] You have a curfew
[ ] You know what ulzzang/tb means
[ ] You know what purikura is
[x] You like bubble tea
[x] Your parents bought you shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years tocome
[ ] You've played final fantasy
[ ] You believe in fortune cookies

X's so far: 33

[ ] You know what bok choy is
[x] You've heard the song "Got rice?"
[x] You have a tutor
[ ] You've had pockys/yan yan before
[x] When you seek for your mother's permission she replies "Ask your dad" (It's Usually Mom>Dad)

X's so far: 36

Your total x 2

Result: 72%

Holy Shit.. Yeah Man. Asian is the bomb.

Live Free, Rock Hard

Revo Tour 09 Kluang

2009-04-26T10:38:00.008+08:00

Yeah man. It was really good. Not only that. It was Awesome. Hahah. Finally got the spelling right. Man. Just came back today at 2.30 in the morning. It was great man. Totally Awsome. Okay. In The Beginning..

Revo Tour 09 Kluang

After school, I rushed back home. Had to skip CF. Showered. Checked and packed my stuffs. got my supplies. Then I went off. Had a sandwitch in the car. When I got there. Hah. Only a few were there. Then I realised that I didn't have to rush at all. Ish..

We got our briefing, and we were off. In the bus, I decided to test out my camera. The results are not shown because the bloody blogspot doesn't want to load it. Jeez..

Here's what concluded the video.

Yeahp. Its Benji and Alvin. Scandalous.

And so, every one was excited for Revo. It was gonna be awesome after all. but after like 15, 30 minutes on the bus, quite a few of them were asleep. Including..

jeng jeng jeng.. Damien!! And there's CT posing. Hahah.

Cheryl's as cheerful as ever.

Yeah. I slept too. For a short while. MAN. It was a long trip. When we reached the stop, it was like YAY.. I Can move now. Had some food and drinks there. then we cotinued. For the whole trip it was bloody hot. Even in the bus with the Air-con. And there were bumps all the time. It got hard breathing and I felt sick for a while.

The hotel was great. We finally got to chill in the air conditioning. But it was blazing hot outside. And we got paired up for our rooms. I got Alex. Haha. Once in the room, we had a long chat. finally got to know a bit more of Mr. Alex. The view was alright. But it was really awesome.

The next day. It was good. Had a nice not so big breakfast. Really simple but it was good. Haha. Then got the stuff we needed and headed off to the church. WOW. It was a really cool place.

The entrance of Agape Church. Our bus. Hahah.

The interior view of the front entrance.

Thats the, well you guys should know.

This. This way up there is the office and conference floor. Its quite cool.

At this time, when we all reached the church, the worship band quickly set up and did a quick jamming session before starting Revo Academy. The purpose of Revo Academy was to tell people the nooks and crannies of being a leader. It was quite cool an all, but I got sleepy. Haha. Was trying to keep myself awake.

After Revo Academy, we mingled around with the locals. They're quite cool. Then we were given a free lunch in the office *slash* conference floor. Owh man, it was GOOD. I mean really good. And the juice was special too. Its, Dragon Fruit Juice!! Serious. Was good too. Haha.

Made friends with one of the elderly people there. His personality, he could pass as my grandfather. Yeah, he's a cool guy. Apparently, Kluang is well known for producing dragon fruit, says him.

So, After we had our fill, Pr. Kenneth gave a, sort of meeting style conference. There he told the guys there, with the Revo Tour Crew listening in, about Dream Malaysia's goal as well as Revolution Tour's goal. He showed a short video. Man, it was touching. To me anyway.

Then, we were off. We were coming back later so the "see you later" greeting came about. We stopped for a bit to get coffee or any refreshments. I didn't get any though due to the lack of time and my total "confusious" state of mind.

So back at the hotel, We chilled out for a bit. We got ourselves prepared for Revo Party afterwards. Most of us took baths. Some just slept like mad.

Yeah. Eld. Keng and Shaver. Whoops, I mean Shaefer. Haha.

Haha. I forgot his name. Ahh, its Jimmy. Haha. Sorry dude. And thats Alex.

Yeah. So we got our stuffs(meaning luggage) downstairs and chilled out under the air conditioning for a bit. And so a slight briefing and we're off, again.

There again. We set up the booths and the Revolution banners. The Revo band set up and started playing and jamming.

Haha. Thats all for now. For more updates, make sure you stay tuned. Truth is, I can't add any more pics for this post. Sad huh. Haih. Next time then.

Live Free, Rock Hard

Revo Trouble

2009-04-22T23:11:00.002+08:00

Man. I won't skip school for Revo. Can't. So I have like 30 minutes to bathe, change, eat, and recheck before I leave for Church. Its really not enough time. I don't know where He is going with this but help is definately needed.

Man

2009-04-20T15:13:00.002+08:00

This is going swell. I'm doing nothing and just wasting my time away. Man. Wish there was somewhere I could go with someone. Seems like I'm saying stuff I shouldn't say. Some crazy stuff happened to me recently. I wrote a comment one a band's blog, and BOOM. I landed myself an audition. Crazy right. Yeah. Or maybe its just God. Yups.

I wonder how many brain cells have died already. They say every time you sneeze, some of your brain cells die. Maybe that would explain the stupid things I've been doing, caus I've been sneezing my ass off.

I going to need the camera. Seriously, I really need it this week. Going off to Kluang end of this week. Just hope I can take the heat there. Man. Nowadays, its freakin' hot. And when its hot, I sneeze. And when I sneeze, some of my brain cells die. Owh great. I just sneezed. Ish.

I need some Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth reading materials. They are really starting to help me. Now where did I put my book..

And I Feel That Love Is Dead

2009-04-19T14:46:00.002+08:00

Easter Rally was no enough. I went for sports day just to help out my class. I carried a Sack of ice from Taipan to MPSJ. It is NOT easy. We sold drinks and "ice lollies". Though we couldn't sell the "ice lollies". They need a refrigerator to stay iced.

I really need that camera right now. Man. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow. I don't want to waste my time away. If only Adam and Eve didn't eat that bloody fruit we'd have a much more easier life. But it would mean nothing without the hardships and struggles that bring lives together. So if you ask me, Thank you Adam and Eve.

The unappreciated. Its like we're holding all our friend's sins as we suffer and they lead a much more care-free life. Sometimes I wish that their eyes open and see what they don't care about. I don't really regret much cause I see more things most people would miss. We are the ones who would treasure our darlings the most and would do everything to hold on to them.

Nature cannot be forgotten. All its wonders lay hidden only to those who do not seek it. There's soo much to see just looking at the sky. Just wish there was more to this life we all go through, some more than others, but in the end, it all dies wit us. Life is too short to waste away.

Tomorrow. Another day to ponder on. What surprises await. Hopefully they're something good.

Live Free, Rock Hard

I'm Loving Angels Instead

2009-04-18T20:42:00.002+08:00

I'm soo tired today. Most people will know, but today was Easter Rally. What people didn't know, is that I did the decorations, logistics and ushering. All for Him. The only thing that really made me happy about the whole Rally was that I helped out a lot.

I wanted to talk to "Mom", but she went off early. Ish. I'll tell her about monday, and I hope it turns out, but if not then what ever man. Miss her lots, but its been a while that she had any free time so I'm not going to disturb her.

It seems that I'm loving angels instead. There's no one that really likes me. So I guess its just me and Him. It would be really really nice to have someone to always be there for me though.

One of the problems is that I'm afraid of my class. Yes, my class. I don't know why, but I am. God help me break free. Sometimes I wish everything would just fall into place.

I see soo many falling around me. But to be honest, we must learn to get up by ourselves. It only helps us find ourselves and our place in this world.

I'm very tired and I don't care anymore. You can die with your bloody ignorance..

Live Free, Rock Hard

2009-04-14T00:04:00.003+08:00

Oh man.. This is soo scary.. I'm on my own.. heading into unknown teritory.. Without anyone. No company. Not Solo. But alone. I keep trying. But still nothing. I'm afraid. But I have to. I have to help others and myself. But why? How did I ever get here in the first place? Where's God when you need him most? Alone. Venturing where I've never been to before. The darkness closes in around me. My light in the dark is so very dim. In my darkest hour, who comes to my rescue? Help...

LEO IR Day

2009-04-11T23:25:00.002+08:00

Man. It was good. Well.. no. The organising structure was bad. They tried to make S U Musical. It Failed very very badly. The good stuff was the performances, by 2 bands, performance by Talent Quest 09 singing category, performances by, Degels and Street Nation. The dances were the only ones that were good. Sorry I have no pictures for you. Maybe next time.

The Talent Quest performance was killed by the sudden stops of the song played. The Degels, Devils and Angels combined, were hot. I mean, they did the club dance, hip hop, but wearing singlets. Man they were hot, but good. They're dancing can be considered professional, but mabe not in the eyes of other professionals.

The Street Nation performance was really really long. It was a whole crew. But the thing is, the guys were buff and, the girls, correction the Girl was skinny but just a little, And she was hot. Well Kinda. It was crazy man. But the thing was, they're attitudes are like, our class clowns but they're buff and cool.

I'll try to steal pictures from other people and post it up here. Heheh. Owh yeah, in the end were souvenir give-away, and announcement of future LEO boardmembers, and, dance floor. Everyone can dance here. I didn't, for personal reasons. It was worth going for it, eventhough it had their bad times but I got to know more of what Malaysia Really Has. Till whenever I blog, ciao.

Live Free, Rock Hard.

Kotaro Oshio - Splash

2009-04-09T00:29:00.003+08:00

This is my favourite acoustic guitarist. He's so awsome and to compose all that.. Well, all I can say is, Enjoy. ^^

Freakshow

2009-04-08T21:26:00.003+08:00

Woah.. I'm acting like different people now. This is not good. Very unstable. Wish I was a better person by now. But unfortunately I'm not. Still a shadow. Is weird. How you keep trying to be a better person and ending up you become some freakshow. Huh. There must be something I'm missing. Its good very few people read my blog. At least I won't get much stalkers. Oh Dearly Beloved, We Will Meet Again Some Day..

Live Free, Rock Hard

The Way The River Flows

2009-04-05T20:37:00.004+08:00

I don't have anything to write but I'm writing for no reason. So now life is, more calm. But there's still some Revo pressure as well as SPM pressure. But shouldn't worry too much about it. Will drive us nuts. The future is totally uncertain. I know what I want to do. But thats all I know.

Material things don't matter much. Truly, nothing else really matters. We really need our friends to live. Thats the only thing we can really enjoy for the rest of ouy lives. The company we have, is the one reason we, I live for, besides God.

There's soo much to gain, yet soo little. The one thing thats keeping me from everything, is fear. The one thing I can't seem to avoid. Thats the only thing I need to overcome. There's someone who could really help, but, there are more things to life than personal happyness.

There seems to be some misunderstandings that I like someone. Just for your information, I don't need to have a gf. Its more troublesome than beneficial. The thing is, I memang like girls. They're soo much different than guys. Especially those typical guys. I'm not sure if I am one though.

Personally, I feel that girls are more fun than guys from experience. Guys, no offence, but you people can be a bit boring from time to time. Not that you guys aren't any fun, but girls are, well, more interesting and different, ESPECIALLY the punkish, boyish, Crazy girls.

I know my blog's boring, BUT, yes there's a but, maybe getting a really good camera cheap and a laptop. God can be soo good at times. Truely God's blessing. I didn't ask for it, but I'm getting it. But like I said, material things don't really matter in life. They just help make life much better.

So pictures coming soon. Guess thats all I have to say. Wait, yeah, I still have something to say. Those who think that someone liking you is not okay till you totally ignore the person, dude, just lighten up man. There will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be feelings. You can't totally walk away froom someone and not have feelings for that person.

Those who walk away from their bf's or gf's just because there's someone better looking, you suck. You don't even know what it means to really love someone. I may not know how its like, but too many times I've seen people devastated just because their Gf's or Bf's fell for someone else's good looks.

If you really love someone, you'll stick by them no matter what happens. Think about that before you even start falling for guys or girls. I think it is better to have never loved. Even though I won't know the benifits, I sure as hell won't know the devastation.

Live Free, Rock Hard.

Untitled

2009-03-31T18:10:00.003+08:00

Man. What am I doing? I have no idea what I've been doing lately. Its like I'm doing something and then suddenly realise its stupid. even writing this blog post. OMG man.. I think I wrote something bad somewhere.. Jeez.. And its not right to write that.. Haih.. I think Everything I've been doing is totally wrong.. Crap.. This is soo stupid.. Hhhh.. Thats it.. I only wanna see the four walls of my study room.. Dun care d..

Revo Tour 09 Penang - NOT

2009-03-29T21:13:00.005+08:00

Ala.. Thought I was going to Revo Tour Penang.. Instead, going Taiping.. Summore Its Clashing with Easter Rally!! Aiks... This is messed up man.. Well, I STILL LOVE FREE TO FALL. OMG MAN. THEY'RE CRAZY AWSOME MAN. I LOVE THEM TO THE MAX. OMG MAN. SERIOUSLY. A MAD AMOUNT OF HUGE POTENTIAL. Man.. Love to be there when they make their debut.

Forgot to tell the world that I've been working on a mix. Not bragging, but I think its a good one. Well, not really. But my best yet. Its more of dance performance kinda songs. But still, cool. Yeahp. Thats it from there.

GOD.. School stress coming.. Wish school was over already. Ish.. sumore Revo stress. Man.. I really pray someone I noe is temaning me. A teen. Not young adult or whatever. A Teen. TEEN. Haih. Food ain't nothing without friends man. Well thats all I guess. Till then..

Live Free, Rock Hard.

Free To Fall

2009-03-29T08:32:00.003+08:00

Owh man.. 28 was seriously awsome man. But there was still the stress issue. Man, stressing.. Its no easy task.. Had ache's all over cause had to do freaky positions to reach the light switch. Anyway, I managed to meet Free To Fall. They're Crazy Awsome man. Off the chain man. The Freakin' Awsome Band Rockin' up the place up man.. Seriously, totally respect you guys man. Really wanna see you guys again though. Haih..

So Street Party was Crazy Awsome. Those who couldn't go, sad man. You guys missed the Party of the Year man. Seriously. Okay. Nuff bout Street Party. When we were about to hang out, dad called.. Can't hang out lor.. Came back, he scolded Joel. Thats waaay too much.. Scolded me, memang will anyway. SPM SPM SPM. Its not like I'm gonna study anyway.

Rofl. Yeah, just remembered, I was the first 1 to buy Free To Fall's Single, The Wait, AND they're band was the first band in my LIFE to autograph the single. Its like the first autograph ever. Man. Love those guys. I seriously wanna see them again man.

The morning after the party, it was like it was a dream. Like it only happened in a dream. Right now, it does seem like it. So in a way, its like a dream come true. GOD. I really pray that I'll still be able to go to church.

There will come a time, when I will not be able to come to church at all. When that time comes, Please pray for me. I will try my best to stay in God's graces, but school stress is crazy. So just pray for me.

Owh man, I really pray things work out. This ain't how I wanna live. I wanna be free, a life without regret, a life without boredom, just not dull. Just to live free, and rock hard. Thats my life. Thats the life I Live For.

Live Free, Rock Hard.

Untitled

2009-03-25T22:25:00.004+08:00

I'm just gonna let life run its course. Let God's plans be fulfilled. Just waiting for the day when I don't have to go shopping alone, or walk home from school by myself, or eat lunch with empty seats beside me. Living life not just in front of the PC all the time. Living life outside the empty seats, outside the broken glass, outside the walls of my soul. Just not lonely anymore. A full Christian, not empty, not half-full. Full. Living like there's no tomorrow, like there's nothing I am afraid of. A life full of fullness. A life that is not impossible, but full of possibilities. This is the life I'm aiming for.

We sing. We dance. We Dream.

Almost Hell

2009-03-24T18:30:00.002+08:00

Wahlauweih.. What a F***ed up life this is. God.. This is like almost Hell. If Hell was like this, I'm not surprised. But I think its way worse. Man.. What a 'beautiful' world this is. I'm hoping you people don't have to go through this. Its seriously almost Hell.. Haih.. Hell on Earth.. Rofl. I can't imagine this life getting better. Guess I'll just keep praying and hoping that it does get better.. Life Goes On...

We sing. We dance. We Complain.

Life's Still, Unwelcome

2009-03-22T22:25:00.004+08:00

It seems there's always a reacurring scene. Before I meet people, teens to be exact, They really want to meet me. After I meet people, they talk to me less. It happens all the time. I think I'm supposed to be just a listener in this life. All I do is just listen to people. I never say a word. Thats because I don't know what to say.

Words are the determining factor to winning a war. In this case, getting people to start talking to you. I don't know if the words I say will hurt certain people. The feedback can hurt me as well. Its difficult when you don't know whats happening. And how to find out? Talking to people again. Which brings back the same problem.

It seems like the only people I can actually talk to are those younger than me or older than me. I just don't know. If you people wanna talk to me, just go ahead. If not, I don't know. There's still what I don't know. And that, isn't good. I really don't know. Just go ahead. Talk to me if you want. I don't really know anymore. I don't think I ever knew anything in the first place.

How am I supposed to live life to the max when there's nothing much to live for? Haih. I'm wondering why I'm still here. Life is soo complicated. Wish someone was there to tell me that it isn't and tell me what I should be doing. And shopping alone is soo not cool. When I'm not around people when I should be, its not good.

I seriously don't know. There's nothing much to look forward to except Church. Even then, I don't talk soo much. Haih. Life's just so, unwelcome. Great. Now I have school things to worry about. Haih. Life can't get any worse. Next thing you know, Pr. Andy gets sick and asks me specifically for some unknown reason to take his place. Man. That would be scary.

GOD. This life is soo tiring.

We sing. We dance. We Don't Know.

My Story

2009-03-19T18:04:00.004+08:00

From the day I was born, May 30th, 1992, to now, March 19, 2009, I never really had any best friends. Lets start from the very beginning.

When I was like 3 years old, a lot of people pinched my cheeks. I had big eyes then and very chubby cheeks. I still can remember a bit of it. I was at my place, I was sitting on my mom, and there were people gathered in a circle, or something like it. I only remember it like a picture.

When I was around 3 to 6, I think when I was 5 years old, I was in a kindergarden. And thats when I had my first kiss on the cheek by a friend. Lol. I don't know where she is now, or how to contact her. I'm still waiting for a coincidence of some sort. I still can remember the kiss. Slobbery. Haha. I think somewhere in kindergarden I was embarrased by the teacher. That may have gave me stagefright. I'm really hating it now.

From Standard 1 to 3, I was in USJ 3 or USJ 4 school. And when from Standard 4 to 6, I was in SS14 school as some friends would know. I never liked that period of time. From Standard 1 to 6, I don't want to remember any part of it. Yes, it was that bad. Thats why I don't talk to people much. It was mainly because of my primary school life.

Then, Form 1 to Form 2, it wasn't so bad. Just hanged around a gang of Super Nerds. Seriously. But it was really crap if u ask me now. Back then, it was great. I got to know Jesus in Form 3. I went for CF then, and got stuck on it. I guess Jesus showed me the world from there. I got to know Him, but wasn't saved yet. It was only Form 4 when I finally accepted Him. And Form 4 was a bad time.

Form 4, was when I was super quiet and depressed. Just didn't have any of the friends I talked to a lot in my class. And almost all of the classmates are Lick Hung people so communication was tough. The stupid thing was that they had their own clicks. The stupid bloody clicks. Life is not about your little click. Its about everyone. Don't always stay with your little click. Go hang out with some people you don't normally hang out with.

Form 5 wasn't much difference. But that was when I really came to God. Okay, that was during the Form 4 holidays. Then I started to look for a Church. Haha. My first choice made all the difference. I'm soon to be serving there. ACTS Church. Great place. I do visit City Harvest from time to time. Well, my seniors are there. 1 of them is in NS right now. 3 months. I'll wait for him to come back. Then we can do some stuff.

Many people influenced me. My "Mom" was Rachel. She really helped me a lot. Helped me realise some things. Still waiting for her holidays to come. Then we can hang out and catch up. I didn't have a "Dad". Well, I did. God. ^^ I found a "Bro". he's Jonathan who's now in Australia. He'll be coming back end of this year hopefully. I did find a "Sis". Well, a few. One's in New Zealand. Well, "lil' Sis". She's Christie. She really defends me and curses other people who like hurt me and stuff. I also help her with stuff. I didn't find another "Sis". Well, I thought I did. She was a "Sis" to me. She gave me confidence to kill a few of my fears and was really open. But when I found her, I wasn't really stable. So you know. I did some stupid stuff and then.. Well, thats about it. No others really were close to me. To put it in more suitable words, no one else I felt the most comfortable with. Yeah.

All those people are those I met only when I was, well, not exactly saved but saved. My "Home" is ACTS now. It really is a great place. Coincidentally, its in Summit so was kinda near my place. And I could do some shopping while I'm at it. Summit may seem like a crappy place to shop, but really, there's a lot of great stuff, If you know where to find it. You could consider those people I mentioned my best friends, but really, they're more like "Family".

So that practically sums up my story for the past 17 years. If you ever reach this part, then really, you have patience. I'm still on my way to finding my true self. I hope this clears a whole lot of things up. This is history, but not as boring as real history. This is the unwritten history that average people don't have a chance to tell. Thanks to Blogging, we can do that now. If any of you guys read this, then you should know a little more about me and what made me, me. Thank you for your patience and I apologise for anything written that offends you. And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I bid you, goodnight.

We sing. We dance. We Write History.

No Reason

2009-03-18T17:47:00.004+08:00

I went for Acts Kids Comunity Give-back. It was at a orphanage. Trinity Orphanage. Too tired to blog a lot here. Just met some new friends, got some numbers, used some energy, got to know some friends, and maybe got to know just a little bit more of myself. Frankly, there was so particular reason I went for it. I mean, why not?

Yeah. Been asking that to myself a lot lately. Sometimes, I didn't even notice I asked myself that. Only after some thinking I realised. I'm soo not the person I'm aiming to become. I'm a long way from home. I'm finding more about myself from time to time. Its just a matter of time. A long wait.

We sing. We dance. We Remember.

I Just Can't Forget You

2009-03-15T21:11:00.008+08:00

I tried to forget you. But I can't. You really influenced me a lot. Its you as a whole which brought me to just even be a better person. To be more confident. To just be more social. Even though if you didn't realise it, you really changed my life. I see things from a totally different perspective now. Its as if I missed soo many things.

There was just such a huge mountain in my life which was life itself. I was never brought up right. My parents were away most of the time. I didn't even have many friends as I thought I did. I've had many backstabbers. But now its different. If you just knew me better, maybe things would have been different.

I wasn't thinking and I really was not in the right mind when I put you in the best friend catagory. For that I apologise. But this silence has thought me much. I am thankful for that. I will be waiting and will keep on waiting until the next best thing comes. Its a long wait, but I'm sure its worth it.

I'm not sure if you will ever read this. I'm facing my fear by writing this. I don't even know if it will work. I will face an even bigger fear adventually. I've been afraid all my life. It will end this year. This may even work negatively, but if it does happen negatively, I'll go through it and hopefully come out alive and learn something.

I don't know if you believe me or not, but its a chance I'll have to take.
Its up to you to believe it, or not.

Its the hardest thing in the world to forget.
Its the greatest thing in the world to forgive.

Its up to you readers to believe it, or not.

We sing. We dance. We Fogive And Remember.

Disoriented

2009-03-14T00:02:00.003+08:00

Sorry guys. I haven't updated my blog for a while. I was going through some, stuff and well, forgot about a lot of things. So here it is. The update.

Disoriented

I've been feeling really weird this past week. Its hard to explain. There is no such feeling. Its like a bit of sadness deep down, yet I'm happy and am at peace and am not feeling down, but I can't think much and its like nothingness. Feeling nothing at the same time all those things. Its really weird. Anyway, some posts I wanted to post up but didn't.

SPM RESULTS

Its a different feeling all together. Its like the whole hall is filled with Hope, Nervousness, yet with a tinge of Carefree. Teachers were not coming in. It was weird. But I got to go down to meet old friends, seniors, and get surprised myself. A lot of people got decent results, but there were sadness. I saw a guy crying as a teacher comforted him. It was a sad sight.

I got surprised. My friend and fellow senior which I missed I met there. I was really surprised when the results came out. I was predicting She's probably gonna get straight A1's. True enough, She did. I was really amazed. Two predictions I made came true. It was an impossible thing. It never came tue before. This is the second one. The first one is when I predicted my friend would fall off a bike into the drain. True enough, she did, but thankfully, she wasn't scratched at all. Maybe a bruise but no scratches at all.

My senior friend then went to Pyramid most probably to celebrate with her friends who are also my friends. It was sad I could not go. I had tuition anyways. Well, enough about SPM.

Street Party

Visit
http://teenacity.theactschurch.org/blog/
For more details.

I'm gonna need to get some clothes for the party. Also, looking for that hat I've been searching for for ages. I'm gonna need that hat for my class photoshoot nxt friday. Its necessary. I have to practice guitar now. I really hope Esther won't scold me because I really can't make it to Saringan Sukan tomorrow. I'm really tired. Even though I may not feel like it, I am really tired.

I'm going to have to leave it at this. To tired to carry on..

We sing. We dance. We Rest.

A Night Highway

2009-03-07T21:42:00.003+08:00

Its been a while since I've been on a highway at night. I forgot how awsome the scenery was. The buildings lighted up, the night markets, the bus stops filled with people, to me there's soo much to see. Its like a completely different world. The dark alleys, the sights and sounds are simply amazing. Its been such a long while.

Today's the first time I finished a beer bottle. It wasn't good beer. I don't really agree with it. But it was a good experience. I didn't feel anything much though. It was just like drinking bitter pepsi. I think the only thing it did was cancel out all my thoughts. Weird. But maybe thats the effects of alcohol. At night, I was having a fever. It might have been the alcohol, but I doubt it.

I'm really tired these days. Its like I really need to sleep for a whole day but I wake up kinda early. It wasn't really this way. I didn't feel this tired. Maybe its because of what I've been through lately. All that stress. It can kill. I really need a break.

It was really a completely different world. At night, driving on a highway, its a totally different scene. It opened my mind a bit more on who I am. Its funny. Finding yourself takes a long while. You'd be expected to know yourself. The truth is, how much do you really know yourself. I'm trying to really know myself and everything I am. The night highway to a better life. So strange..

We sing. We dance. We Drink Beer.
: ]

Of New Beginnings

2009-03-06T23:30:00.008+08:00

Time goes by. It grants no mercy to those who do not make use of it. The more I think, the more I realise about myself. Its funny how everyone has regrets. Regrets of what we did, and what we didn't. In primary, I didn't have much friends. I was, not good la. To compare now and last time, now is soo much better than last time. That time is like another age altogether.

I know since I became Cristian, a lot of good stuff came to me. New gadgets, new instruments, but having all these things don't mean a thing if you don't make the right decisions. I've been making a whole lot of crappy decisions lately. Some that I am not proud of at all and many I regret. I've lost instead of gained.

To those who have been hurt or iritated or maybe even hate me now, I apologise. I know I can't face you people now because of the decisions I made but if you ever read this, I'm really sorry. I just only wished I could have met Him earlier. I might have been more stable if I did.

Of new beginnings, I really want to play in my CF's Worship Band but I realised my biggest problem of facing crowds of more than 6. I've been trying to get rid of it forever but it stays. I'll have to somehow overcome it. Hopefully I will manage.

I'm still trying to find myself. I've been living an illusion for a while and only recently broke it. I'm only afraid I'm living one now. Because of this illusion, I've made many bad choices. I wish I could only turn back the clock. Sometimes, I just don't think I'm supposed to be in this time and place.

About making bad choices, I've lost some people due to that. I really don't like having enemies. But then, I've gained a lot more since I broke the illusion. Soo many new friends. But no best friends yet. I just can't believe how people can get bored of having a BF or GF. Its freaking stupid to get bored. What the hell man. Love is unconditional. It has no limits. How can anybody get bored of that.

I really pray that friendships lost will be rekindled. All this bad things will pass. These things will change. The good stuff will roll in and the bad will disintegate. Haih. I found a new group of friends. They're still young so I can stay wit them for a while. Seriously, BG relationships suck. If you don't plan to stay long, what the hell are you doing in the bloody relationship. Ish..

We sing. We dance. We Drink Beer.
: ]

Dreaming After A Long Time

2009-03-03T16:50:00.005+08:00

This post is really long so brace yourself, get some snacks if you want or maybe just ignore this completely. I don't know. Do what you like.
__________________________________________________________

My dreams can really appear out of nowhere. A lot of the time i can't remember any of them at all but I remembered this one. To make it short, there is a world where there is magic and spaceships. My world is the one I currently live in. The two worlds are almost connected but only people in the world which isn't the one I live in can cross the barrier.

So there's this one girl that I met. I think she came to me. I think she was some important person. Maybe a princess or something. I guess I'm supposed to be her guardian by fate. Maybe I was chosen by them since birth. The details are vague. I think she said I'm supposed to protect her but somehow I complied by instinct. We became close friends over time. Even though she spoke differently as she was from another world, it wasn't that hard to do anything.

When we had to go somewhere like when I had to go to school she would turn into some animal but it was wearing clothing. I saw in my dream she turned into a cat and a frog I think. I'm sure she turned into a cat. Frog, not so certain. She was wearing clothes fron this world. A turquoise hoodie with white at the edges and zips and pocket openings and the strings. Pants I'm not so sure. Maybe a jeans. or jeans which end after the knee down.

She wore, converse-like shoes. Colour is varied. I think I saw a red, yellow, white shoe, a turquoise, light green, white shoe and maybe a light blue, even lighter blue, white shoe. She never took off her hoodie so I don't know whats underneath it. This style sounds familiar though. I think she was someone I knew. Anyway, when she turned into a cat, she'd be wearing the hoodie but nothing else. When she turned back everything was there.

I think there was another guy from that world. He wore clothes from this world too. Then it skipped to a part when we were fighting some evil looking dude. He juz stood outside at a turning. we were outside. It was dark and cloudy and it was almost night. I only can remember he froze us. I was the only one able to move. He was going to kill the guy, so I threw something like a chair or a knife at him. Definately knife. He didn't block. He got hit and smiled and dis some wave and he turned to dust and went with the wind. There was some worm thing which crawled away really really fast following the dust.

Then I realised that the battle was lost and was sad. The guy was still frozen. The girl dissapeared. After that I was only sad and didn't know what to do. Then I woke up. I was trying to get back to sleep but took a while. I thought the alarm was going to ring but didn't. I looked at the phone and it was 4.30 a.m. I went back to sleep a while later. It was very fast from here.

From thinking and trying to remember, I think I was taken to their world to fight the evil people I think for their emperor. It was in space with like battleships looking futuristic but with like this world's battleship canon turret. You know, the huge canons on battleships. I saw it for a few seconds and forwarded to the part I blew up the core of some huge mothership thingy. The emperor I think might sacrificed himself to end the war or something.

Then forwarded to some ceremony with all the streamers and cut coloured paper being thrown from the buildings. Then went up some steps into some olden court like place. I think I was crowned emperor for winning the war. I think I ruled until I died and since I had no children the administration became democracy like government. Yeah. I think there were no more emperors. I think some president was giving a speech on the good emperors to always remember them and their deeds or something.

After that, the scene changed to my world where I see me living practically the same life. Then some guy wearing the othr world's clothing with that long cape and all somehow showed up and we were at some place I don't know but it was a nice place. I think I might have gave him an exercise book paper torn from mine. He wrote a letter from the middle page downwards and the signature was at the top. There were a few signatures. 1 was I think 16/93 underlined and under the line was EMPRESS in capital. Others were blur but I think 1 was the guy's own 1 and the emperor's which was me.

It was a letter explaining the truth of my life and a whole lot of other things but it made me sad. I think there was something about the girl loving me or something. The girl, concluding from the letter I think was supposed to be the future empress and was the daughter of the emperor before me. The guy who wrote this probably memorised every single detail. It was probably originally from the girl who dissapeared. I think I had a recallation of everything after reading the letter and was sad and almost to tears. I looked at the guy and he nodded.

After that, I saw myself in school like normal. The only thing was that I carried the letter everywhere I went in some container. The scene went to the container which was see-through in the middle and the letter. After that I think I woke up and went to school. There was a sad melody when the letter was writen. Hahah. You may think I'm bragging or something but this is a dream. Anything can happen. Its long and the whole dream was really vague.

Its really hard trying to forget people. Nothing feels right. Its like you're in an illusion. You're trying to break out of it. But somehow, you can't feel complete. Time will tell. Hopefully I will be able to forget that feller and just move on. God, help me.

We sing. We dance. We Move On.